So I almost landed an interview with Kirk Cameron about why he thought his new film was the lowest rated movie on IMDB, but I heard back from his people and apparently he found something I wrote yesterday “terribly disappointing” and called it off — which I found weird given that I didn’t work yesterday.*
But in case you’re wondering what it’s like to be vetted by Kirk Cameron’s people, it goes something like this:
SEK is being interviewed by Kirk Cameron’s Handler (KCH) for a potential article.
KCH: Kirk wants to know if you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Christ the Savior.
SEK: I attended CCD for a few years and studied Latin in college. I translated a lot of the Church Fathers — Augustine, Aquinas, and the like.
KCH: That’s really interesting, really. So you know about sin?
SEK: I know more than anyone cares to about the danger stealing pears from your neighbor can pose for your soul.
KCH: So you were raised Catholic?
SEK: Catholic and Jewish.
KCH: You know Hebrew?
KCH: Kirk’s a big fan of Hebrew, big fan.
SEK: It’s the only dead language to be revived.
KCH: I didn’t know that, did not know. That’s really interesting. Are you gay?
SEK: I am not.
KCH: Good, good, just need to dot those “t”s. Have you ever been gay?
SEK: I have not, but I’m not sure how that’s relevant to my ability to discuss film. Did you read the links I sent?
KCH: I did, and they were great, great. Loved them, loved. But some of the language was not quite Christ-like.
SEK: I can adapt to my audience — we’ve been talking for twenty minutes and I haven’t cussed once.
KCH: That’s true, true. Good. What are your feelings about “gotcha” interviews?
SEK: They get you one good moment, but burn your reputation for being fair-minded to people you disagree with.
KCH: So you don’t like them? Hate them?
SEK: I can’t do my job if people don’t trust me to treat them fairly.
KCH: That sounds fair, really fair. How do you think this is going?
SEK: Pretty good.
KCH: I think so too. I think we can make this work. I like you.
SEK: Thanks. I like to be likable.
KCH: Which is why I’m worried about the state of your soul, but we can talk about that later.
SEK: Do I need to be saved to do the interview?
KCH: Kirk would definitely be more comfortable, definitely.
KCH: Let me pass this on to Kirk, and I’ll let you know.
*I did however write this on Facebook and I suppose he could’ve found that offensive.