Contact the Nearest American Embassy or Consulate Now!

Nicknames and significant information about the FBI's Most Wanted:

1. The Impersonator Bandit: Displays badge and business card with FBI emblem; has large belly; round face; balding, but wears wigs; sweats, but remains composed.  Carries a 2-foot-long gym bag.
2. The One-Glove Bandit: Wears one glove during robberies.
3. Unknown Male Suspect: Orally demands cash.
4. Crown Royal: uses bags generally purple in color with gold writing and made of a cloth material.
5. The Earpiece Bandit: Involved in numerous armed robberies in Puyallup are of Washington State; has "Ocean" blue eyes.
6. This bicycle: SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
7. The Eastside Grandpa: Mumbles when he speaks; doesn't want any "funny business."
8. The Leeward Grandpa*
9. The Mushroom Man*
10. Puffy*
11. The Sideburn Bandit: Has sideburns.*
12. The Wig Bandit: Leaves behind a wig.*
13. The Bicycle Bandit: Places purse on counter; flees on silver mountain bike; carries fannypack; in one robbery, had patch over right eye.  NOTE: Not to be confused with this bicycle.
14. John Doe: a.k.a. Odell M. Bigby.
15. Carlo Doe: Hispanic; from Honduras; has a large surgical scar on left side of neck from injury sustained in a hurricane in 1998.
16. The Mad Hatter
17. The Generic Bandit: Male; white; 35 years old; 5'10" to 6'0" tall; medium/thick build; wears grey short-sleeved T-shirt (with pocket), blue jeans, and large aviator style sunglasses; drives early-to-mid 1990s white or silver Ford Tauras with no hub caps.
18. The Fake-Tan Bandit.
19. The Backpack Bandit: Carries with him a backpack.*
20. The Turn and Walk Bandit: After unknown suspect receives money, orders victim teller to turn and walk to back of bank and not to tell anyone.
21. The Ground Hog Bandit: Described as having moustache and/or facial hair.
22. The Band-Aid Bandit: 30-40 years old; 170-220 lbs.; White (Hispanic); person/persons SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS.
23. Unknown Suspect #2: speaks with Caribbean accent; remains near bank entrance while Unknown Suspect #1 demands money from tellers. 

My favorite Most Wanted fugitive is James J. Bulger, a.k.a. "Whitey."  According to his official FBI loveline, he "is an avid reader with an interest in history. He is known to frequent libraries and historic sites. Bulger is currently on the heart medication Atenolol (50 mg) and maintains his physical fitness by walking on beaches and in parks with his female companion, Catherine Elizabeth Greig. Bulger and Greig love animals and may frequent animal shelters. Bulger has been known to alter his appearance through the use of disguises. He has traveled extensively throughout the United States, Europe, Canada, and Mexico."  Despite his commitment to Ms. Greig, his academic interest in history, his love of animals and cosmopolitan airs, the FBI loudly reminds us that "JAMES J. BULGER IS BEING SOUGHT FOR HIS ROLE IN NUMEROUS  MURDERS COMMITTED FROM THE EARLY 1970s THROUGH THE MID-1980s IN CONNECTION WITH HIS LEADERSHIP OF AN ORGANIZED CRIME GROUP THAT ALLEGEDLY CONTROLLED EXTORTION, DRUG DEALS, AND OTHER ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES IN THE BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS, AREA. HE HAS A VIOLENT TEMPER AND IS KNOWN TO CARRY A KNIFE AT ALL TIMES."   

*Hawaii is the only state in the Union to nickname all of its unknown suspects.  The names of Hawaiian bandits are generated by: observing the painfully obvious (The Sideburn Bandit, The Wig Bandit, the Backpack Bandit); intuiting an unknown suspects' reproductive success (The Eastside Grandpa, the Leeward Grandpa); surrendering to the irrational ... because who spends his time thinking about why the FBI's Hawaiian office declared one bank robber The Mushroom Bandit and another Puffy?

Comments

[Leon]

Well, at least Puffy won't be menacing Hawaiian banks any more. And is robbing a bank really *that* easy?? Hmm.

[A. Cephalous]

Always judge the difficulty of a crime by the quality of criminal it takes to commit it. Or maybe it's "never judge the difficulty of a dive by the quality of the diver diving it." It's something. Anyhow, apparently the old, the infirm and the indigent are fully capable of robbing Hawaiian banks. I think that speaks more to the difficulty of robbing a Hawaiian bank than bank robbery in general.

[the little womedievalist]

I'm looking over this list, admittedly weeks after the fact, and not finding the Poo Bandit. Am I blind?