Typepad allows you to see the referring address of people who visit your site, and because I'm documenting in meticulous detail my gradual but inevitable rise from 'Net Nobody to President of the United States of America (POTUS), I check my "Statistics and Referrers" page with unhealthy regularity. Today I found an odd one. This is what it said:
I didn't know what that custom meant, so I click on it and landed here.
Hidden beneath the innocuous "custom" was, in fact, someone googling "gas theorist of colic." I couldn't figure out what that meant--or why my blog popped up on that most strange of searches--so I decided to skim some of the other sites that search brought up. They included:
A catalog of borderline amusing "Academic Jokes." My favorite:
How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb in the South?
At Vanderbilt it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any ivy leaguer.
At Georgia it takes three. One to change the bulb, and two to phone a friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions.
At Florida it takes four. One to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get high off the old one.
At Alabama it takes five. One to change it, two to talk about how Bear would have done it, and two to throw the old bulb at Auburn students.
At Ole Miss it takes six. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU it takes seven. And each one gets credit for four semester hours for it.
At Kentucky it takes eight. One to screw it in, and seven to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.
At Tennessee it takes ten. Two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lampshade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how Phillip Fulmer is too stupid to do it.
At Mississippi State it takes fifteen. One to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to shout, "GO TO HELL OLE MISS, GO TO HELL!!!"
At Auburn it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Bama, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.
At South Carolina it takes 80,000. One to screw it in, and 79,999 to discuss how this will finally be the year they have a good football team.
At Arkansas it takes none. There is no electricity in Arkansas.
I don't doubt that some of those are funny. But none are as funny as the description for a site I refuse, on principle, to link to. Principle, I say, but here's Google's summary of it:
"The Sanitary Gangbang Squad probability theorist verify ... with licentious colic artery ... the multistory plural of cottony blow gas."
And, for reasons I'd rather not imagine, the homepage for PEOPLE For Mathematically Perfected Economy also showed up.