Friday, 04 November 2005

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The Buck Stops . . . Over There, You Know, Way, Way Over There Written on the baggy in which a manuscript from overseas arrived: ATTENTION: POSTMASTER PLEASE FORWARD THIS ARTICLE TO THE ADDRESSEE. DEAR POSTAL CUSTOMER: The enclosed was found loose in the mails or has been damaged in handling prior to arrival in the Postal Service (whichever is applicable to the enclosure). We realize mail is important to you and you have every right to expect it to be delivered intact and in good condition. The Postal Service makes every effort to properly handle the mail entrusted to it but occasional damage may occur prior to its handling by the Postal Service. When the Post Office handles in excess of eighteen million pieces of mail daily, it is imperative . . . . . . blah blah blah blame the Royal Mail blah blah blah we try hard but this isn't our fault blah blah blah. I could add that ever since our zipcode changed last summer, it has taken Netflix films three days to arrive instead of one; that I consistently receive bills the day before or the very day they're due; or that anytime anyone sends me anyhing and I thank them for it their response is "It took that long to get there?" I could say that, but then I remember that episode of Seinfeld and think better of it. Were I to mock said baggy-speak, I'd say stuff like "Magnificent passing of the buck, my good man!" and "We realize that mail is important to you"? I'd answer the latter with stuff like "Yes! So is my credit rating!" But that's only if I were to answer. Which I refuse to do. On principle. Because mail is important to me . . .

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