jimy666izstoned@gmail.com & Scott Eric Kaufman: An Epistolary Romance

9:39 a.m.

yo,

i want to take yr literary jornalism class but i'm not on campus tues.  would it be alrite if i came on thurs?  cuz last qtr my comp teacher let me do this and said i wuz a great writer.  i read all the time and would be an assett to yr class on thurs and woundnt talk to much cuz i wouldn't be there any tues.  u wont regret it.

12:01 p.m.

Dear Jimmy (?),

You really do seem like a great writer.  Who was your instructor last quarter?

Best,

Scott

12:02 p.m.

thx for the fast reply.  i would tell u who my teach wuz last qtr but he said i shouldnt tell any body about our deal.  cuz if it got out he would be fired for helping me out.  but i'm not lyin he did let me skip tues.  so can i be in yr class?

3:48 p.m.

Jimmy,

Normally I don't respond so quickly but your email compels me to.  Are you sure you can't tell me who your instructor was?  I promise not to tell.  If I let you in the course he and I will be in the same boat.  I have good reason not to tell.

Best,

Scott

3:49 p.m.

dude i would love to u but maybe after im in the class.  im so happy u think my emails r compelling.  i told u i wuz a great writer.  so can i be in it?  cuz i need to know so i can arrange my work sched.

8:14 p.m.

Jimmy,

What do you mean "i wuz a great writer."  I thought you said you are a great writer.  I'm not sure the class can afford a student whose best days are behind him.  Also: Why can't you attend class on Tuesdays?

Best,

Scott

8:15 p.m.

cuz i have to work.  and i didnt mean im not great anymore.  my friends laugh at what i right all the time.  everyone says i should be a writer.  so can i be in yr class.

9:36 p.m.

i really need to no soon so i can figure out my sched.

10:01 p.m.

dude if ur tryin to decide maybe i can tell u who my teach wuz last qtr.  shes not at uci anymore she got a job somewhere in the south like colorado. 

10:45 p.m.

i have to go out now but if u can call or msg me at XXX-XXXX.   thx dude.

12:41 a.m.

sry 2 txt u bt i trnd fon off fr acidnt.  did u call.  GBTM sn as u gt ths.

1:51 a.m.

wuz dat u GBTM sn.

2:47 a.m.

dude we came home cuz my firend said he should tell u how i can write great shit and

6:21 a.m.

so can i be in yr class r not?  i sent my teacher from last qtr an email and she said she doesnt know u so she cant trust me to tell u.  but i need to no soon about the class.

7:36 a.m.

yo i have to go to work u can msg me at the other number.

8:21 a.m.

Dear Jimmy,

I'm afraid I can't let you in the class if work is the reason you cannot Tuesday sessions.  If you had a legitimate medical reason (like Tuesday chemotherapy treatments) I would have made an exception.  But I cannot accommodate every student whose work schedule conflicts with their classes.  If I did I would have to hold class at 3:00 a.m.

Best,

Scott

8:22 a.m.

sux.  cnt mk 3am clss.  hv thngs 2 do thn.  8am m th wrks 4 me.

9:01 a.m.

cud do 9am 2.

12:09 p.m.

Jimmy,

I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to give you the impression that this was a negotiation.  If you cannot make the scheduled hours you will not be able to take this course.

Best,

Scott

11:36 p.m. [from ocbadazz949@gmail.com]

fuck u i herd u wuz terrible teach last qtr.  u cant teach 4 shit asshole.

7:03 a.m. [Scott replies to jimy666izstoned@gmail.com]

Jimmy,

Who told you I did a terrible job teaching?  I didn't see any poor reviews in my evalutions. 

Best,

Scott

7:04 a.m.

u wouldnt know him.  he jus came to ur office hrs 1 time.

[The inspiration.  And if you must know, I think these people pretty much nail it.  PunditGuy?  Not so much.  ]

Comments

[Zach]

I know for a fact that idiots like this do exist and do email their teachers.

By the way, did I ever tell you that one of my A minuses was converted to an A?

[N. Pepperell]

I was just thinking about this issue after receiving an email from a student yesterday. The student was asking for special consideration, and the email was actually courteous and decently written, but the student's personal email address fell into "need to know basis" territory - and I *really* didn't need to know...

[eM]

*cough* lil' b!&#% *cough*

One of these days I should 'learn' you how to track the lil' b's. It's more fun if you put a little scare into them. They get off on their false anonymity.

[Jamie Bodie]

Why the harsh judgements Scott? Everyone tells him he should be a writer.
Isn't that critical piece of evidence reason enough to accomodate this obviously gifted righter and geographer?

[Noah Cicero]

That was awesome

[Ancrene Wiseass]

Wait! I thought Jimmy was my epistolary romance. Now I find out that he's been corresponding with other instructors?

[Wolfblade]

Beautiful.

[Another Damned Medievalist]

Scott -- make sure you read the comment threads at Easily Distracted and xoom before you judge too harshly ... ;-)

[Jennifer]

choak.

[Marcia Adair]

Well done!

[courtney baum]

I think you should have asked for a writing sample from him or even multiple writing samples to decipher if he is ready for literary journalism or maybe he should be in a higher writing class for his emails were so well written.

[ardiril]

I was particularly struck by this phrase, "... if work is the reason you cannot Tuesday sessions."

[pertrique mutour]

want to be tought j0ornalism through computer