DISADVENTURE!
Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISADVENTURE! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc.
Revision 23 / Serial number 8940726
You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> e
The door is locked. There is evidently no key.
> take key
I don't understand that.
> kick down door
I don't understand that.
> w
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here.
> climb tree
You are about ten feet above the ground nestled among some large branches. The nearest branch above you is beyond your reach. On the branch is a small birds nest. The birds nest contains: A jewel-encrusted egg.
> take egg
Taken.
> throw egg
You must supply an indirect object.
> throw egg at grammar nazi
I don't understand that.
> throw egg at tree
The jewel-encrusted egg falls to the ground.
> climb down
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here.
> e
You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> s
You are behind a white townhouse. In one corner of the townhouse there is a window which is slightly ajar.
> open window
With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow passage.
> climb in window
You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.
> open sack
Opening the brown sack reveals:
A clove of garlic.
A lunch.
> eat lunch
Taken. Thank you very much. It really hits the spot.
> w
You are in the study of the townhouse. A desk has recently been used to write a dissertation. A door leads to a closet. To the east is a litter box which needs to be cleaned. There is a day old brownie on the desk which smells of cat urine. A book is open on the desk.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> verbose
There are seventy four books on the desk about evolutionary theory. A laptop is open on the desk.
> look laptop
There seems to be a dissertation chapter on the laptop.
> read chapter
It is long-winded and boring. You do not want to read it.
> read chapter
It is obnoxious. You hate it.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> work on dissertation
You spend two hours searching the OED for the usage history of the word devolve.
> work on dissertation
You spend three hours reading five articles which have nothing to do with the dissertation.
> work on dissertation
You spend twenty minutes online reading about baseball.
> tear out hair
Taken. You find the Elvish sword.
> in my hair?
I don't understand that.
> work on dissertation
You spend five minutes playing online poker.
> work on dissertation
You pick your nose.
> work on dissertation
You go to the kitchen and eat cheese.
> work on dissertation
The Mets are on. It should be a good game.
> work on dissertation
You watch the first three innings of the Mets game.
> work on dissertation
The Mets are ahead by three runs in the fifth.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
The Mets win. You are in a study with a laptop. It is dark out. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
> WHAT?
Nothing.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
You research the history of Zork I: Great Underground Empire.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
You write three sentences about S. W. Mitchell.
> work on dissertation
You pick your nose.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU PICK YOUR NOSE.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU WRITE SOMETHING FOR YOUR BLOG.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU PICK YOUR NOSE WITH THE ELVISH SWORD. BLOOD POURS FORTH FROM YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID.
> STAUNCH BLEEDING
I don't understand that.
> CALL 911
I don't understand that.
> SAVE ME
I don't understand that.
> ...
You are dead and are lucky. You would not have gotten a job anyway.
[Now read the DISADDENDUM!]
[Also: This is still the funniest thing I've ever written.]
OK, this was funny.
Posted by: Rich Puchalsky | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 08:46 PM
I can relate with everything except your apparent love of the Mets. Incidentally, I recently discovered that the BBC has released a free version of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" text-based game on their website for that Infocom classic's 20th anniversary. When I type "read book" or "grade essays" in the text-based game of my life, I often find myself there asking Ford, "What about my home?"
Posted by: Anthony | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 08:59 PM
That was beyond funny. That was one of the .0004% of things on the Net that actually is, as the kids say in their web-speak parlance, LOL funny. Seriously, I was eating a sandwich, and I laughed and it kinda went down the wrong way and hurt my throat.
You bastard! See if I pay my bill!
Posted by: Chance | Wednesday, 12 April 2006 at 10:14 PM
Man. I wish I could find an Elvish sword in my hair.
Posted by: Ancrene Wiseass | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 12:51 AM
You need to crosspost this one to the Valve. Please. You can say that I ordered you to do it, if it becomes an issue.
Posted by: jholbo | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 01:14 AM
You read blog
> add comment
You tell the blogger he is funnier than all get out and has helped to start your day off right.
> drink coffee
The coffee cup is empty
> get coffee
The coffee pot is empty
> work on dissertation
Without coffee in your hand you can not work on dissertation.
Posted by: megan | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 07:19 AM
That was not only breathtakingly funny; it was also painfully familiar in more ways that I'd care to admit ...
Posted by: Partial Viewer | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 09:54 AM
Death came to that blog entry too slowly.
Posted by: Anonymous | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 05:05 PM
Maze. Twisty. All alike.
I have been here before.
Posted by: Bill Tozier | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 06:21 PM
You are in a study overfilled with books. A lap top sits on the table.
>Turn on laptop
The laptop is already on.
>Look at screen
There is a blog on the screen.
>Read blog entry
Read. It is side spliting keyboard drenchingly funny.
>Laugh
You laugh.
> Die laughing.
You are dead.
>Comment on blog.
You are dead. The can not blog.
Posted by: History Geek | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 06:32 PM
It's funny how easily you can write witty blog posts when you should be working on your dissertation!
Posted by: Cibbuano | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 07:16 PM
amazing! let's go mets!!
Posted by: theartofdistance | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 07:35 PM
Very nice!
Being eaten by a grue would have saved me so much pain while trying to finish my dissertation...
I remember those Infocom adventures with great fondess...
Posted by: Mason Porter | Thursday, 13 April 2006 at 08:20 PM
> HELLO SCOTT
Your score has just gone up by 30.
Posted by: Wax Banks | Friday, 14 April 2006 at 10:06 AM
Can the gnu eat my dissertation committee?????
Posted by: Mark Hartong | Saturday, 22 April 2006 at 05:37 AM
this is incredibly funny. Funny funny funny funny. FREAKIN' funny. hooray!
Posted by: Heidi Harley | Monday, 25 September 2006 at 12:45 AM