Sunday, 07 May 2006

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A Day in the Life of a College Student, Circa 1928 Jim: Andy was lit up like a church last night! Jim #2: Was he? I can't remember. I'd wet my goozle with some hard knockout drops soon as the sun dropped. Andy: (stumbling in) So I drank some corn juice, I remember that much . . . Sam: 'Pifflicated, you were! Andy: I was at that. I was seeing snakes for sure. What happened to Mary? All: Let's not talk about the after-date. Andy: Why not? She was strong for lovin' last I recall. (a confuzzled look crosses his face) I was . . . Sam #2: You're no big butter and egg man from out West anymore. Andy: What's your insinnuendo? I showed some mean stuff and now she just gives me air? Jim: You shouldn't have told her 'bout your surety. She thinks you a chicken duster now. Andy: I'm no . . . I suppose it's not worth discussing. I'm not sloptimist enough to think I can open her gate now. Jim #2: Plus Jim over there told her you were a chest-pounder. Andy: Why'd you go and do that? Drift, brother, and close the door behind you. (Jim leaves. Andy turns to the Sams) What happened last night? Which slicker brought panther-sweat to our private tunk? Sam: You did. Andy: I did? Sam #2: You came blustering in about not cookie-pushing for any more high higs and how you were coming to this and every future rub stag. Andy: She was a knock-out and a darb, but my father isn't paying this grill four thousand a year for me to be some rare lady's tea hound. I mean, she knows her oil . . . Jim #2: She is full of vinegar. Sam #2: And she never breaks a wing. Andy: But she gives a lot of house. Sam #2: That's not what I heard tell. Andy: Where's your muffler? Sam #2: Sorry. I can be such a sock. You want to join our cram tonight? Jim #2: You should. You're on the mat and Sam really knows his onions. Andy: I should. I don't want to get a letter from His Highness. Sam: You're next invite to the Dean's formal will be your last. Andy: (slumps) This Jewish engineering has me down on all fours. Don't get me wrong. The professor's pretty hot. When we chum he has the oil and keeps cramming. But I thought his would be a pipe and now it's all whip and over. Sam #2: Just be sure to bone and you won't get a footing. Jim: (runs in) C'mon, peaches, here's your can! (Jim #2, Sam, Sam #2 and Andy give chase. Homosocial hilarity ensues.)
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