(Because absolutely nothing of interest happened today, as I lead a boring life. Nothing at all, so keep moving, as nothing happened here, or anywhere else, that would be of any interest to anyone. That said, enjoy this funny thing I wrote last year.)
Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved.
DISADVENTURE! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc.
Revision 23 / Serial number 8940726
You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> e
The door is locked. There is evidently no key.
> take key
I don't understand that.
> kick down door
I don't understand that.
> w
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here.
> climb tree
You are about ten feet above the ground nestled among some large branches. The nearest branch above you is beyond your reach. On the branch is a small birds nest. The birds nest contains: A jewel-encrusted egg.
> take egg
Taken.
> throw egg
You must supply an indirect object.
> throw egg at grammar nazi
I don't understand that.
> throw egg at tree
The jewel-encrusted egg falls to the ground.
> climb down
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here.
> e
You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
> s
You are behind a white townhouse. In one corner of the townhouse there is a window which is slightly ajar.
> open window
With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow passage.
> climb in window
You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water.
> open sack
Opening the brown sack reveals:
A clove of garlic.
A lunch.
> eat lunch
Taken. Thank you very much. It really hits the spot.
> w
You are in the study of the townhouse. A desk has recently been used to write a dissertation. A door leads to a closet. To the east is a litter box which needs to be cleaned. There is a day old brownie on the desk which smells of cat urine. A book is open on the desk.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> verbose
There are seventy four books on the desk about evolutionary theory. A laptop is open on the desk.
> look laptop
There seems to be a dissertation chapter on the laptop.
> read chapter
It is long-winded and boring. You do not want to read it.
> read chapter
It is obnoxious. You hate it.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> read book
Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic.
> work on dissertation
You spend two hours searching the OED for the usage history of the word devolve.
> work on dissertation
You spend three hours reading five articles which have nothing to do with the dissertation.
> work on dissertation
You spend twenty minutes online reading about baseball.
> tear out hair
Taken. You find the Elvish sword.
> in my hair?
I don't understand that.
> work on dissertation
You spend five minutes playing online poker.
> work on dissertation
You pick your nose.
> work on dissertation
You go to the kitchen and eat cheese.
> work on dissertation
The Mets are on. It should be a good game.
> work on dissertation
You watch the first three innings of the Mets game.
> work on dissertation
The Mets are ahead by three runs in the fifth.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
The Mets win. You are in a study with a laptop. It is dark out. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
> WHAT?
Nothing.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
You research the history of Zork I: Great Underground Empire.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
You write three sentences about S. W. Mitchell.
> work on dissertation
You pick your nose.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU PICK YOUR NOSE.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU WRITE SOMETHING FOR YOUR BLOG.
> WORK ON DISSERTATION
YOU PICK YOUR NOSE WITH THE ELVISH SWORD. BLOOD POURS FORTH FROM YOUR HEAD BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID.
> STAUNCH BLEEDING
I don't understand that.
> CALL 911
I don't understand that.
> SAVE ME
I don't understand that.
> ...
You are dead and are lucky. You would not have gotten a job anyway.
[Now read the DISADDENDUM!]
[Also: This is still the funniest thing I've ever written.]
OK, I snorted loud enough to wake the 11-month-old. Damn you, SEK! To attempt to return the favor, you might find this mildly amusing if not downright delightful.
Posted by: The Constructivist | Sunday, 01 April 2007 at 09:28 AM
It's funnier because I read this while not working on my physics homework.
Posted by: Sarssol | Sunday, 11 December 2011 at 07:24 PM