Standing in front of a map of the Internet is a man with an indescribable comb-over and a smile white as it is wide. As the curtain rises, a women who ends every sentence with a question tells a man named Skip to "throw it Kaufman." He does.
Kaufman: Thanks Skip. Today has been a particularly stupid day on the Internet. As you can see from the map (points at map) the trouble began on Pharyngula (map zooms in), where the statement "it may be a little harsh" (points at map) and a bland clarification (points a little lower) precipitated a series of increasingly unhinged responses punctuated by yipping, yapping, hilariously unfounded charges of dishonesty and (waves hand over large swath of the map) general calumny.
Skip: Sounds rough, Scott.
Kaufman: It was, Skip, it was ... but it wasn't the stupidest stupidity on the Internet today. For that (map dissolves into pixels) we need to look over here (map returns), where some people are convinced it's opposite day.
Skip: It isn't, is it?
Kaufman: No, Skip, 'fraid not. But that didn't stop some people (points at map) from insinuating in a general way, the possibility that in some important respects, when a person says "I want to talk about this more" he maybe really means "I never want to talk about this again." This stupidity is merely the remnants of that idiotic front (gesticulates wildly) that passed through here the other day, but don't let that fool you. It still packs quite a punch ... back to you, Skip.
Skip: I wonder when Opposite Day is? I bet beleaguered local businessman Milton Keeps does too ...
Inane chatter continues as the lights fade and the curtain slowly lowers.