If I Were Lawyer You Would Meet Me in Court and We Would Yell Words

Things you did not know about the name that you have stolen of Acephalous include that it belongs to band that no less than Metal Review said that of their album Divine Purity that it is "45 minutes of blackened, brutal melodeath"?

I knew that there was a band named "Acephalous," but I was not aware that I had stolen their name, nor that they play "blackened, brutal melodeath."

Did you know Acephalous whose name you use combines what Ultimate Metal called "old Sacramentum meets Alf Svensson era At The Gates coupled with an accessible flare more common to the newer wave of death metal and deathcore acts"?

You may as well be speaking another language.

Did you know Metal Fan reviewed the album to say "Heugelijk nieuws van onze zuiderburen: de Belgische undergroundscène zit de laatste tijd behoorlijk in de lift. Een lift die qua spooksferen niet onderdoet voor de lift uit Stephen King's Overlook en qua bruutheid voor de lift van Dick Maas. Nu toko's als Shiver Records en Rotten To The Core behoorlijk uitpakken is het oogstseizoen van verdienstelijke Belgische metal in volle gang. Hoe mooi is dat?!"

Now you are speaking another language.  Care to get to the point?

True metal fans do not appreciate the thievery which you have done to this deathcore group which their furiously riffing style.  You take their original name but do not say so anywhere on your website.  You should be shamed of yourself for stealing on the reputation of the band who played Divine Purity.  If I were lawyer you would meet me in court and we would yell words.

I feel a little guilty laughing at someone who, in the end, reveals himself to be a non-native speaker whose (infrequent) grammatical sentences are borrowed from the English portions the blog on Acephalous' Myspace.  But then I read the reviews written on Acephalous' Myspace and remember:

Mockery can be mighty entertaining.  The unintentionally humorous bits of my anonymous correspondent's email are entertaining enough; however, the actual reviews of Divine Purity are infinitely more so.  Witness the faux-intellectuality of the modern metalhead:

Thus it should not be surprising that Acephalous' main method of attack is based around relentless counterpoint tremolo picked riffing. And it is here where the band is clearly the most comfortable as the melodies and combinations that result therein are greatly satisfying.

Thus the result of the pretension of this review is therein greatly satisfying indeed.  Then there's the undergraduate-essayist-cum-music-reviewer:

Beginning a review with a definition can be cliché, but in the case of Belgium's Acephalous, it's too interesting to pass up. From the American Heritage Dictionary, via Dictionary.com, acephalous means:

1. Biology Headless or lacking a clearly defined head: acephalous worms.
2. Having no leader.

See? Very interesting.

Indeed!  But my favorite review comes from "FYU":

I'm a bit ashamed to admit it but until now I never had heard of this band before. So when I got this album in the mail and looked at the drawing on the front I was a bit pre-occupied. 'Great, another black metal band, just what we needed!' My mind was already busy summing up a bunch of vile insults to use in a hateful review before even hearing the first note. But after only a few seconds of 'Divine Purity' my brain cells stopped producing bad language and started an enthusiastic banging inside my skull, seriously threatening my sense of balance.

You know, whenever I feel that "enthusiastic banging inside my skull," my sense of balance is "seriously threatening" too.  But what really speaks to me is this reviewers convinction that

Songs like "Bloodfull Moon," "Red Of Children's Blood" and "Pure Damnation" rise way above the standard quality of average.

I don't doubt it for a second!  All this said, they have a way cooler logo than I do.

Comments

[The Little Womedievalist]

Wait... there are far too many fish in this barrel to shoot. Anyway, their logo isn't convincingly "in ur manuscript." (Am I going to see the plot of Gawain & GK play out before mine eyes? Are we in for yet another legal brouhaha that involves yelling words in the various Belgian languages/dialects?! After last month's Gallego-Portugues debacle, you *promised* to keep your acephalitic "sub-genres" from "commingling.") I see you have fallen.

[JPool]

I predict "I see you have fallen" to become the next Unfogged/internet nerd fashionable phrase in the category of in-jokes/put downs. Please use/publicize it accordingly.