"Unambiguously Clear, in Anglo-Saxon Prose"

(Note: Great minds think alike ... some just beat others by a couple hours.  I blame Pacific Standard time.)

Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff, responding to FEMA's staged news conference about the California wildfires:

I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I've seen since I've been in government.  I have made unambiguously clear, in Anglo-Saxon prose, that it is not to ever happen again and there will be appropriate disciplinary action taken against those people who exhibited what I regard as extraordinarily poor judgment.

Why resort to Anglo-Saxon prose?  Scratch that.  It should read "Why resort to Anglo-Saxon prose again?"  Remember the press conference last week in which Chertoff announced Bush was coming to tour liberate California from the wrath of Grendel the wildfires:

Her syndon geferede, feorran cumene
ofer geofenes begang Geata leode;
þone yldestan oretmecgas
Geornwig nemnað ... Hine halig God
for arstafum us onsende,
to West-Denum, þæs ic wen hæbbe.
wið wælfyre gryre.[*]

Chertoff's more recent performance was slightly less impressive.  According to the OED, his "unambiguously clear, Anglo-Saxon prose" may be unambiguous and clear, but Anglo-Saxon it ain't:

I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate [Latinate] things I've seen since I've been in government [French].  I have made unambiguously [Latinate] clear [French], in Anglo-Saxon prose [French], that it is not to ever happen [Middle English] again and there will be appropriate [Latinate] disciplinary [French] action [French] taken against [Middle English] those people [Anglo-Norman] who exhibited [Latinate] what I regard [French] as extraordinarily [Latinate] poor [Anglo-Norman] judgment [French].

That's too struck-through with Continental corruption to taste the Director's thick Anglo-Saxon ire.  Here's his withering statement again, only now rendered pure:

I think it was one of the dumbest and most things I've seen since I've been in.  I have, in Anglo-Saxon, that it is not to ever again, and there will be taken those who what I as.

I'm sure his drihtguman got the message loud and (unambiguously) clear.

---

[*]Hither have fared to thee far-come men
o'er the paths of ocean, people of Geatland;
and the stateliest there by his sturdy band
is George named ... Blessed God
out of his mercy this man hath sent
to Danes of the West, as I ween indeed,
against horror of raging fires.

Comments

[Ahistoricality]

Cute. You know, of course, that "Anglo-Saxon" is code for "Cheney-esque" but they are trying to downplay his influence....

[Karl Steel]

Holy Jesus, Scott, that's great. You know, there's a couple of bloggers (old English in New York and Unlocked Wordhoard) whose take on this I'd like to see: if they want to imitate AS prose style, I'd just die with happiness.

Let's see if I can do it with words derived from the OE: "I think it was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. I told them in Anglo-Saxon writing* to smite the guilty."

* I tried 'style,' 'manner,' and 'form,' none are OE. Isn't there someone in your household who can help us out, SEK?

[SEK]

Ahistoricality, I was tempted to throw something in about "Heardred," the "protector of advice," but couldn't manage it.

Karl, I ran into the same problem you did when I tried to rewrite it in AS. It's just beyond my abilities. As for the member of my household who could, she's "decompressing" for a few days and I didn't want to bother her. (Not that she wouldn't enjoy it, but, well, you remember the week after your qualifying exams, in which you never want to touch the material you love ever, ever again.)

[SEK]

Also, someone just emailed about "Geornwig," as it's not an actual OE name. It isn't. I stuck "georn" ("eager") next to "wig" ("battle"), as that's the closest I could muster to "George." I know, I know, not accurate ... but appropriately wrong, no?

[NDR]

Ha! I knew it'd be difficult to be others to the punch. I was more surprised that our presentation looked similar.

[SEK]

I think we both may've used brackets incorrectly. (Or not. [Hard to tell.])

[Karl Steel]

you remember the week after your qualifying exams, in which you never want to touch the material you love ever, ever again

As I recall, I spent two (three?) months playing Neverwinter Nights and desultorily researching a diss topic I abandoned as soon as I came out of my postorals haze.

[Innogen]

I am in bliss over this post. Whether Latinate, Anglo-Saxon, French, or a combination of the three, I have yet to decide. hehehe.

[John Emerson]

Genghis Khan had a Catholic grandson named George. True fact.