(How did this become a series?)
Last night the neighbors broke up.
Their marriage is officially over.
The husband has had it up to here with her sloth. Does she know that's a cardinal's sin?
The wife can't believe she's stayed with him this long because speaking of cardinal's sins, what about those receipts from his last two business trips?
She means what the fuck.
She means isn't adultery a cardinal's sin?
He only gets manicures on business trips because the Japanese reward attention to detail. He doesn't know what she's talking about. How would she know how much a manicure costs in Seattle? She hasn't left her sty in years.
Except it's not her sty. It's their sty and it's not like he can't wash a plate or not throw dirty underwear on the floor. Did he think he was marrying a maid?
No he didn't. He was marrying a wife and he can't understand why she can't understand that.
She can't understand why he can't understand why she thinks that's sexist.
Now she's a feminist.
He always knew. He should've known what with her book club and shit.
Fuck is he ever retarded.
Fuck if he doesn't know why he didn't ditch her to the curb the night he came home and she was reading Oprah.
Me?
I was trying to watch Once but had to listen to this.
Goes without saying the mood was choked.
* Before Young Wolfson reprimands me, "I'm seriously" is a phrase bandied about this here household. Don't know why. It just is. I'm seriously.
I read that was a fantastic movie with splendid music. Too bad marital bickering ruined it for you. Are you one wall away from them or can their arguing soar long distances and carry the same volume?
Posted by: Jake | Sunday, 23 December 2007 at 05:10 PM
Did Raymond Carver move in next door to you or something? I'm seriously: WTF?
PS Happy Birthday!!!
Posted by: Sisyphus | Sunday, 23 December 2007 at 11:34 PM
This is what happens when married people don't talk. Like not telling your wife about cancer! I hope you do not leave dirty laundry on the floor or dirty dishes lying around because your wife is far to busy to pick-up after you. She did memtion that is was time to go through clothes and lighten the load because your mom is sending more home to you with her. As long as your are in the room with Rachel, it might be nice if you surprised your wife with a clean neat room and house!
Posted by: alkau | Monday, 24 December 2007 at 06:46 AM
Were you seeing Once for the first time? If so, take a moment to drink enough whiskey to forget its momentary connection to the evening's other broadcast events and wait for your wife to come back home to watch it with you. It's a truly magical movie, wonderful music and a great (impossible) love story.
Posted by: JPool | Monday, 24 December 2007 at 08:31 AM
i was waiting for that precious - "you are not breaking up with me in a [weird location]" - but it never came... although the part about manicures in Seattle is very intriguing. i'm seriously.
Posted by: Mikhail Emelianov | Tuesday, 25 December 2007 at 11:48 AM
In a perfect turn of events, none of which should distract from the celebration of your birthday, you witnessed the Carveresque reality which sent so many running for relief to see a rather motionless film about two people being sweet and almost coming up with a plot to accompany the tunes. That night, the woman logged on and wrote a glowing review of Once, and so did her husband.
Posted by: Joseph Kugelmass | Tuesday, 25 December 2007 at 04:29 PM
After that performance, I'd be very tempted to anonymously leave a copy of "The Stepford Wives" on Mr. Neighbor's windshield.
Posted by: Ancrene Wiseass | Wednesday, 26 December 2007 at 05:01 AM