Most Pretentious Blawg [Sic] of the Year

The minds behind the Cultural Parody Center have announced the finalists for their Parody Oscar Nominations.  I'm flattered by the nomination, if a little confused as to why they think Acephalous is a blawg.  I suppose I do require legal assistance a little more than the average blogger ... but my point is this is another award I want to win, and this time Chris Clarke ain't around to scuttle my dreams:

Most Pretentious Blawg of The Year

The Poetry Sewer (http://thevalve.org/)

For overdosing on neoRomanticism; for maintaining Oxford-branded snobbery whilst having no sense of humor whatsoever.

The Unmarxist Unsupernanny (www.antigram.blogspot.com)

For his insidious attempts to throw rivals into the syntaxic grid. For inspiring blog debates without having the guts to lose them.

The Decapitated  (www.acephalous.typepad.com)

For selling word salads as high-culture literary theory.

I credit them with stealing my joke—all my best critics steal my material—but am stumped by how the actual voting works.   They say "send in your votes via the comments box," but like every other post on the Cultural Parody Center, the comments to this post consist entirely of "jonquille do camembe" and "parodycenter" masterfully feigning intelligence.   The meta-parody involved is breathtaking.  (I'm not even sure whether I'm nominated for parodying pretentious legal blawgers or for being one myself.)  Consider the second "vote":

I finally watched all of ‘IT’S A MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD’ for the first time I saw it with my brother in Cinerama in Nashville, Tennessee. And I didn’t understand it all that well at that age, but now I understand that I am very much like DICK SHAWN and Dr. Fossey is like a mild-mannered version of my ETHEL MERMAN mother, for whom I’ll do anything. I am more devoted to ETHEL MERMAN than even I am to SCARLETT O’HARA!!!

"Word salad"?  These two know of what they speak ... though not necessarily what they write.  Somehow or another, Kugelmass is "seriously challenged" by Y. T. in a category which I'm not even nominated for.   (Or maybe I'm so special as to transcend mere ballots?)  So vote for me!  Only not over there, as it would be a shame to ruin a perfectly good echo chamber by introducing other voices.*

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*Young wolfson once outdid me in all of a sentence, but apparently the folks behind the Cultural Parody Center aren't fans of pithy demolitions, as the comment is nowhere to be found.   I contacted wolfson to see if he remembered what he'd written, but alas, while my unfunny paraphrase "sounds plausible as something I might have said [...] I don't specifically remember doing so."   He then went on to answer an email I sent him two years back. 

Comments

[Rich Puchalsky]

Oh, great. Pay attention to a bunch of annoying people, and what will they predictably do? Comment over here.

[SEK]

Blame this guy, who impressed the necessity of my lobbying hard upon me at a baby shower this afternoon. (Baby's not mine, obviously.) (Who would let me reproduce?)

[Ahistoricality]

Oddly enough, licensure is not required.

[ben wolfson]

(Baby's not mine, obviously.)

How obvious is this, really?

[SEK]

Oddly enough, licensure is not required.

But we all know it should be.

How obvious is this, really?

I think I would've mentioned it. Siring progeny's one of those life-altering events that merits an announcement.

[John Caruso]

What is a word salad? And don't people who parody know a joke when they see one?

[ben wolfson]

You could have been having an affair with the mother, and not known that the child is yours. Since you are a notorious womanizer, who has even descended to using his office for his trysts, this is not so implausible.

Word salad.

[Dejan]

Acephalous we are happy that you are enjoying your nomination. You are still free to support it yourself, the comment box is not the exclusive property of the Jury. You can also dispute your nomination if you wish, although we don't guarantee that will influence our decision-making process.

You have been nominated mostly for your association with the Neoromantic Oxford club (dr. Josephina Kugelmass, the Zizek fans and Roman Polanski)combined with a rather confused, cryptic and elitist style that we noticed in several texts.

[Ahistoricality]

a rather confused, cryptic and elitist style that we noticed in several texts.

You people have a damned low threshold of tolerance for confusion, mystery and vocabulary.

Siring progeny's one of those life-altering events that merits an announcement.

Oddly, though less so than last time, people very rarely announce the act of siring per se.

[tomemos]

You people have a damned low threshold of tolerance for confusion…

In others' writing, apparently so. In their own, they seem to be able to tolerate an infinite amount.

[j.s. nelson]

I always thought acephalous was post-pretentious, wherein outward signs of pretension are knowingly used to destroy the very foundations of pretension.

[Dejan]

I always thought acephalous was post-pretentious, wherein outward signs of pretension are knowingly used to destroy the very foundations of pretension.

Look that may be correct, but the presence of An Und Fur Sich, the Valve, Kugelmass and Long Sunday on his blogroll indicates that he didn't manage to overcome classic pretension, and in this sense he deserves the nomination.

[Mikhail Emelianov]

i propose the matter be resolved with a hug...

[SEK]

Mikhail, the time for hugs has come and passed. All we can do now is hope Dejan and company learn what words mean. Anything is possible, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

J.S. Nelson, that's what I've always aimed for. Half the posts up here are classic self-deflations. I'm always surprised when people think I have airs. Do they not read my words? (Or do they, too, not know what words mean?)

ben, I'm fairly certain no one will mistake me for the father. I lack both motive and opportunity, what with not having left the house in over eleven months. (I'm slowly being replaced by Asian versions of myself, according to some of the other folk at the shower.)

John, I've come to believe there's a direct correlation between how funny someone thinks they are and the sound opinions of rational minds. This would be a case in point.

Ahistoricality, I would, like one of David Foster Wallace's Horrible Men, run from the bedroom declaring Victory for the Forces of Democracy and Freedom!

[Sisyphus]

(I'm slowly being replaced by Asian versions of myself, according to some of the other folk at the shower.)

Holy crap, they're even outsourcing grad students' party attendance now???

I thought I was safe because I was unemployed, but this... this is troubling.

[Miriam]

The Valve has no sense of humor, eh? I guess I'd better get cracking on that Reaper-cum-MLA parody.