My First Chapter? Eaten by a Cylon, Thank You Very Much

"Scott's Dissertation" is the name of a folder on my desktop.  Has been for the past three years.  When I migrated my files from my laptop, I copied "Scott's Dissertation" to the external hard drive (a.k.a.); then I copied it from the external hard drive (a.k.a.) to my my new desktop.  I assumed my new "Scott's Dissertation" folder would contain all the files and folders housed in the old one. 

It doesn't. 

The "Chapter One - Introduction" folder is missing. 

It's not on the desktop. 

It's not on the external hard drive (a.k.a.). 

It's not on the laptop. 

I had no choice.  The folder must've disappeared when I was migrating files.  I had to consult the Cylon:

What can I do you for?

Remember that folder on the laptop with my first chapter in it?

Yes.

Any idea where it went?

I ate it.

You ate it?

Did you need it for something?  Hope not because I ate it.

Why would you eat it?

It was there so I ate it.

And this was a good idea?

Probably not.  But it was there so I ate it.  You would eat it too if it was there.

I wouldn't.

You would.  Also: Bird.

Bird?

I look out my window and see the Cylon is correct.  Atop my air conditioner sit two turtledoves.  Their feathers are ruffled and they are looking directly at me.  One cocks its head and charges.  It pecks the window and looks to its left.  The rails of my porch are obscured by a mob of irate turtledoves.

You want to eat bird.

No.

You want to eat bird like I ate chapter.

I don't.

You lie.  Turn in bird instead of chapter.

I need chapters not birds.  I can't turn in a bird.

Why not?

Advisers don't accept birds.  They want chapters.  Search committees don't consider birds.  Jobs are not won on the strength of birds.  I can't turn in a bird.

Too bad.  You go to war with the dissertation you have, not the dissertation you want.

Comments

[Cylon Sympathizer]

You know who might want to eat bird? Search committees.

Bird is delicious to eat. Advisers get hungry. May want to eat bird, too.

Cylon is trying to help. Bird is more delicious than introduction. Cylon knows, Cylon checked this. Bird much more delicious.

This post makes me hungry.

[Moltar]

I hear the sweet sound of my own voice reading this. Wait, I'm a what!?! No way. You deal with the humans on your own. Moltar out.

[Ari]

This post has so freaked me out -- though not as much as the assassination primer at Unfogged earlier today (I'm not even going to link) -- that I've now saved my manuscript to sixteen different spots. Including to a flash drive that I'm considering force-feeding to a bird. Thanks for the anxiety. I really needed it.

[Luther Blissett]

Always email your chapter drafts to yourself and your loved ones. But then you could end up in the situation I was in this fall: twenty versions of every chapter, all called things like "Morrison chapter" or "Harris chapter."

[Sisyphus]

Two turtledoves? Where's the partridge in the pear tree? Also: can turtledoves --- aka lovebirds --- be irate? Inquiring minds want to know.

[SEK]

Damnable Sympathizer:

This post makes me hungry.

TIN CANS DON'T FRAKKIN' EAT.

Ari:

Thanks for the anxiety. I really needed it.

You make me cry, I make you worry. It's only fair.

Luther:

Always email your chapter drafts to yourself and your loved ones.

I've sent emails out to people I'm pretty sure have copies of it, so I think I'm safe ... just insecure for the moment. The thing is, I finished the introduction so long ago -- it's a primer on Spencer/Darwin and the influence of evolutionary thought, bits of which get worked into all my other chapters -- that I didn't have Gmail at the time. (Gawd, I've been at this that long.)

twenty versions of every chapter, all called things like "Morrison chapter" or "Harris chapter."

Every one of my chapters has a name and a designation, like "Wharton 7.61." (Not kidding about that either. Actual chapter draft name there.) But my first chapter, well, it's vanished. It'll reappear soon, I'm sure.

(Or violence.)

(Violence galore.)

Also: can turtledoves --- aka lovebirds --- be irate?

Have you ever had one stare you down, murder in its eyes, seeds on its mind? Didn't think so. You partridge in your pear tree all you'd like, there's no escaping the wrath of starving lovebirds ...

[Ahistoricality]

Just as there are male ladybugs, there are angry lovebirds....

Very sorry to hear about the chapter.

[I'm going to assume you've already done this, but it might be worth it: have you done a thorough search of places the chapter folder should not be? I ask this because it's shockingly easy, in the drag and drop process, to relocate a folder within a drive without meaning to, and the relocation process is so quick, you can not realize what you've done until later.]

[Martin G.]

Yes, search your hard drive for the file name, see if it turns up. I did this exact same thing when I was writing my MA and my hard drive crashed. Chapter 3, the good one, was not where it was supposed to be on the flash drive, not where it was supposed to be on the OTHER flash drive. (& This was before I could afford an external disc. Like Ahistoricality says: I had just dragged it into a neighbouring directory full of old accounting stuff.

I use a PC but my favourite thing on the mac is the spotlight search function in the upper right hand corner.

[Naadir Jeewa]

All I can say is foldershare.com

*Stares patronisingly, the way only a college helpdesk staffer can*

[John Emerson]

I use Luther's method and let Gmail be my BAK. And I end up with the same problem. So I rename one file "Introduction best version". Then finally I just start dating everything in the filename. But then I sometimes forget. And I may still may have a few old files on 5 1/4" Wordstar floppies. Or on harddrives in landfills somewhere.

[read]

it's all in your head, you'll restore it easily
fucking cylon of course

[Belle]

Too funny! Please do not link cylon to internet. we really don't need Hals running around, eating things because they are there...

[SEK]

Ahistoricality:

I ask this because it's shockingly easy, in the drag and drop process, to relocate a folder within a drive without meaning to, and the relocation process is so quick, you can not realize what you've done until later.

Right now, I've installed Google Desktop and it's scanning my hard drive ... but since it's 500 gigs and overstuffed with ebooks, it's going to take a while. (Four days, according to its estimate.) But I've been searching in all the places it might've landed -- the problem is, as you say, I probably dropped it in one of my five hundred thousand music folders. (Stupid legacy of iTunes's "organizational" structure.)

Naadir:

All I can say is foldershare.com.

I've never seen that before ... must learn how to use.

Emerson:

So I rename one file "Introduction best version". Then finally I just start dating everything in the filename. But then I sometimes forget. And I may still may have a few old files on 5 1/4" Wordstar floppies. Or on harddrives in landfills somewhere.

I rename stuff like that, but the problem is I end up with eighteen files ambiguously named "Introduction - Best Version 4.3," "Introduction - Best Version FOR REAL 9.1," &c.

And I'll see your Wordstar and raise you Leading Edge Word Processor documents. My old LEWP files require an emulator to run ... but the emulator's based on Windows 95, so now I have to run a Windows 95 emulator session in Vista in order to run my LEWP emulator. (And no, the files won't convert, damn it, and I don't want to lose all my pre-undergraduate noodling.)

Martin:

Yes, search your hard drive for the file name, see if it turns up.

The Windows search function is, shall we say, not all that functional. The damnable beast crashes every single time. I wish I'd bought a Mac. (Not really, but you know what I mean.)

Read:

You know what'd be nice to have in my head? An unkillable, damn-near omniscient Cyclon. If it could help Gaius compromise Caprica's security grid -- WARNING! THAT WAS A SPOILER, BUT IF IT SPOILED ANYTHING, THIS POST PROBABLY MADE NO SENSE, SO NEVERMIND -- surely Seven could help me finish my dissertation. I mean, she's got to read faster than me, right?

Belle:

No, the Cylon's not allowed on the Internet ... but as you can tell, that hasn't stopped it from doing so.

Doomed. We're all doomed.

[THE LIBRARY]

If you name your Cylon "Kitt," you can then pitch this script to NBC as the next television "movie event."

Can your Cylon subdue spies and terrorists as well? Audience testing proves that eating book chapters is awfully glamorous; catching criminals, though, makes for a catchier plot. I know you probably want to play yourself in the movie, but, no disrespect intended, I think we need someone who is TV pretty.

I say "we" because I know this guy who knows this guy in Hollywood ....

[John Emerson]

Lovebirds are customarily angry and even murderous. Google "vicious" + "lovebirds".

Genus Agapornis: from the Greek Agape, for love, and Ornis, for Bird.

No, not from Aga + pornis.

[Fritz]

I think you've got the voice of the Cylon somewhere between HAL and a LOLCat.