Bitch A.B.D.: A Fake Dialogue

m. leblanc is absolutely right: maybe we should start a series.  Everyone should post their chat transcripts on their blogs.  Except I don't have any chat transcripts because I don't chat.  I even disabled the chat function on Gmail because people kept trying to talk me up when they know—they know—I'm constitutionally incapable of not procrastinating.  So instead of posting an actual transcript, I've concocted one:

sek: so this is what chatting is like?

sek: appears so

sek: what should we talk about?

sek: capital letters?

sek: no.

dissertation: you should talk about me.

sek: i don't want to talk ABOUT you much less TO you.

sek: seriously dude.  if i wanted to deal with you i'd be in that other window instead of writing fake chat transcripts.

dissertation: but i'm ALMOST DONE.

sek: i ALMOST don't hate you.

sek: that's ALMOST not true.

: O HAI

sek: hey there buddy.

sek: why does finnegan have an avatar?

sek: i don't know.  why don't i have one?

sek: laziness?

sek: must be.

dissertation: AHEM.

sek: with you in a sec.

: O HAI

sek: hello again, fat boy.

: I LIK FUD

sek: i know.

: I LIK FUD

sek: i said i know.

dissertation: AHEM.

sek: i'm busy at the moment.  show some respect.

: O HAI

sek: little man, i can't spend the rest of my fake chat talking to you.  i have important things to chat about like ... you wouldn't understand.

: O HAI

sek: exactly.  now what was i chatting about again?

sek: what i should be chatting about.  exactly.  i should make it interesting.

dissertation: O HAI

sek: little dude, what did i just say about—wait a minute, who said that?

dissertation: I LIK GUD

sek: do you want me to smack you?

sek: i'm TRYING to procrastinate here.

dissertation: I LIK GUD

sek: isn't there some way i can block it?

sek: think there is: ctrl-alc-ohol.

sek: little early for that, isn't it?

sek: not if you don't want to get any work done it isn't.

sek: the bitches chat much better don't they?

sek: they do have the advantage of being two people.

sek: and INTERESTING.

sek: and interesting, yes.  plus for them "chat" is a meaningful word, not a pretense to ignore you-know-who.

: O HAI

sek: WTF?

: I R 2 B GUD

sek: dissertation?

: I HAS AVATAR

sek: i can see that.

: U FINITCH NOW

sek: or ... ?

: U LIK AVATAR

sek: wait, is that a question or ... ?

Comments

[N Pepperell]

Now, see, I was reading your blog because I'm procrastinating from my thesis - I laughed, and then I got all worried... ;-)

[Ari]

You should be nicer to the cat. And meaner to the dissertation. Damn the consequences.

[todd.]

I laughed. Ruth laughed. Our fat, orange cat laughed. Our as-yet-unstarted dissertations cackled maniacally. Not sure what that as all about.

[Neophyte]

I am weeping. We'll call it laughter. I don't know whether to thank you for the extreme giggle-fit, or to despise you for so accurately and so terrifyingly describing my existence.

Ahhh-mazing.

[JPool]

I keep reflexively looking for some embedded commentary on the Margaret B. Jones affair, but
I'm pretty sure that you're just being silly.

[SEK]

Thanks, everybody. Finnegan was a little upset by the lack of response, at first, because I sold him on the shoot with words like "bloglebrity" and "starlingdom."

JPool, I commented on the Jones thing here, here, and here. But yes, here, basically pure silliness.

[read]

o hai
i'm procrastinating from making my poster too
what you need is may be a live competitor
may be Adam Kotsko could be your competitor, i read his blog sometimes and he also sometimes seems to be worried about his dissertation status
you two could establish a skype connection for example and keep an eye on each other and compete like who will finish first to write a chapter a day
sorry, it's a silly thing to suggest

[JPool]

I suspect Finnegan just wants to eat the starlings. If he doesn't eat them, perhaps you could submit them as chapters.

[JLJ]

Isn't fake chatting the same amount of procrastination as real chatting...?

I laughed a lot.

[Sisyphus]

Hah!!!! I suppose the other SEKs are now all talking smack about you on your non-secret secret blogs, but I'm too tired to check right now.

PS Finnegan is quite cute!

[Innogen]

hehehehe...since I'm momento mori girl (and also desperately scrambling to finish) at the moment, I loved that Diss Avatar is death's head. how accurate.