The Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008

THE ORACLE

At 10 a.m. Pacific time, emergency sirens will blare across Southern California and millions of residents will dive for cover, as part of an earthquake simulation that will involve close to a dozen colleges and universities.   The University of California, will be staging events at its Irvine, Los Angeles, Riverside, and San Diego campuses.
SEK
I understand, Great Wise One.  I will prepare my students for the blaring sirens.  They will learn to duck and protect their important bits.
SEK enters the classroom at 9:30 a.m.
SEK
You are in grave danger!   At precisely 10:00 a.m. this campus will be struck by an earthquake of unprecedented proportions!   Sirens will blare and you will panic and die!
STUDENT #1
But we are too young to—
STUDENT #2
Too pretty to—

SEK

Fear not!  I will save you with techniques!  When sirens they do blare you are to duck!  When you have ducked you are to cover!  When you are covered you are to pray!

STUDENTS

We are to pray.

SEK

It is only 9:30.  On with the class!  Blah blah blah blah—

STUDENT #3

Point!

SEK

Excellent point!  Blah blah blah blah blah—

STUDENT #4

Point!

SEK

Another excellent point!  Let me illustrate it on the podium computer!  First I will turn off the lights with the computer because there are no light switches in the room.  We are in good darkness now.  Look at this point blah blah blah blah blah blah—

STUDENT #5

Scott!  It is time for the earthquake!

SEK

It is!  Let me see what to do!

SEK peers down at the podium computer.  There is a message on it.

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it.  Have an excellent day!

SEK

We missed the earthquake!  Let us now resume the learning!  I will turn on the lights with the podium computer!

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

I will now turn on the lights!

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

We will learn in the dark for now.  Blah blah blah blah blah—

STUDENT #2

Point!

SEK

That is a point worth thinking about.  We should revisit that scene.  I will play it again for you so you can analyze it.  I am pressing the play button on the podium computer now.

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

We will continue to learn in the dark for now.  Blah blah blah blah blah—

STUDENT #3

Point!

SEK

Another excellent point!  I will attempt for the second time to play a scene for you so you can analyze it.  Again I am pressing the play button on the podium computer.

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

I am in great distress.  I cannot show you the scene and must teach in the dark.  All the computer will do is wish me an excellent day.  I will press it again.

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

Again!

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

Again!

PODIUM COMPUTER

BEEP!  Thank you for participating in the Great California Earthquake Drill of 2008.  We hope you and your students learned about shaking from it. Have an excellent day!

SEK

I am defeated.  I have pressed all the buttons.  They all do not work.  Maybe one of you can figure this out?

STUDENT WITH MAGIC FINGER

Let me try.  I am pressing now the button with my finger.

PODIUM COMPUTER

Your wish is my command.

STUDENT WITH MAGIC FINGER

Bonus points?

SEK

Bonus points.

Comments

[JPool]

Indeed: bonus points for magic fingers -- a deep and worthy pedagogical method.

Was there in fact any ducking or covering? How did you see to the injured?

[prefernotto]

All your quake are belong to us.

[alkau]

...and this is why parents pay for a college education??? Just another day in the life of meaninglessness!!!

[Innogen]

I had a similar experience with the volume when I was trying to play a film clip in my "smart" classroom the other day. I messed with it for five minutes, growing increasingly distraught, went to the little wall phone to call the classroom support elves, who were singularly unhelpful--but that was ok because meanwhile student with magic volume finger saved the day. and we didn't even have an earthquake as an excuse.

[ajay]

Fear not! I will save you with techniques!

WIN.