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Thursday, 26 February 2009

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tomemos

Disrespect Conrad if you want, but it's criminal to put a modernist you don't like on your lineup just to make fun of him. This is an all-star team, man; we'll never beat the postmodernists (to whom Beckett might be traded, if the rumors are true) with a cake at SS. If you don't like Conrad, bench him and put in William Carlos Williams. No heavy-hitter, but a table-setter with quick hands, perfect for that spot in the lineup and the diamond.

tomemos

Oh, and how about Faulkner as the closer? Overpowering stuff, but not a lot of endurance in him.

Jason B. Jones

Wyndham Lewis is a perfect pinch hitter, capable of igniting the offense when it's lethargic.

And I'd nominate Lawrence as a backup SS, on the same criteria.

VP

I propose hiring Henry James as the manager. Old timer with lots of experience (think John McGraw) who can pass on a lot of wisdom to the younger kids. I have heard that his locker room speeches can go on for a bit too long, though...

Adam Roberts

You know what would make this better? Cricket. That's what.

zunguzungu

I see the new critics in the bullpen; if Eliot is the starter, then you need a whole bunch of one-dimensionally competent but essentially failed copies of him to take over once he gets all Anglican. Robert Penn Warren is a starter converted to long relief, Brooks is the closer, and Wimsatt and Beardsley are lefty one out guys. Empson is the wild man; the fans never forgave him after certain allegations of impropriety, but his pastoral pitch is heart-stopping.

zunguzungu

I see the new critics in the bullpen; if Eliot is the starter, then you need a whole bunch of one-dimensionally competent but essentially failed copies of him to take over once he gets all Anglican. Robert Penn Warren is a starter converted to long relief, Brooks is the closer, and Wimsatt and Beardsley are lefty one out guys. Empson is the wild man; the fans never forgave him after certain allegations of impropriety, but his pastoral pitch is heart-stopping.

zunguzungu

Of course, at a certain point in time, relief pitchers stopped being failed starters, and it became a professional position in its own right. I believe Derrida was the first dedicated relief pitcher, though some claim others preceded him. In any case, it's still tough to get in the hall as a relief pitcher; questions about his "abstrusity" kept Jacques off the first ballot.

cp

Counterpoint: Hemingway isn't scrappy, he's scruffy. He's a blue collar, lunchpail, guy. Always brings his lunch. Last of the gamers. He's like Erstad. Totally a college punter/ex hockey star. (God I miss Fire Joe Morgan.)

Modernists weren't scrappy, the real scrapmeisters were writing pulp science fiction.

tomemos

CP, I kind of thought the same thing. Hemingway doesn't seem light enough to make a good leadoff guy. You need someone more mercurial; Wyndham Lewis could play that role. Hemingway would be a great DH.

And yeah, FJM is sadly missed.

Sisyphus

Heh. This is funny. Also funny the large numbers of modernist-baseball fans here. Speaking of, wouldn't throwing in some cubists help with the geometry of it all? I should think Stein would work if you weren't up for an actual painter.

Sisyphus

Oh crap, I totally should have linked to your post about running quadratic equations in the backfield.

Michael Bérubé

Always with the Conrad/Jeter hating. It's getting tedious out here on the Internets, I tell ya.

Starting Beckett over Faulkner? When exactly is this game being played? Nineteen-whatever? Tomemos is right about those pomo rumors, and right about William "Doc" Williams, but why he thinks Faulkner can pitch is beyond me. He's a dead ringer for Wade Boggs, after all.

Btw, the thing that kept Derrida out of the HoF was his bizarre claim that both hitting and pitching are both iterable forms of "archehitting." Hard to know what to do with a reliever who sees his job as a mere supplement to the game.

Ben Friedlander

Look here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mongibeddu/320027902

and you can see Ezra Being Ezra playing close to the foul line.

He of course gets suspended for the remainder of the season after berating the umpire with a racial epithet.

Scott Eric Kaufman

Disrespect Conrad if you want, but it's criminal to put a modernist you don't like on your lineup just to make fun of him.

CR, er, AWP inserted Conrad in the lineup. I couldn't do anything about that.

Oh, and how about Faulkner as the closer? Overpowering stuff, but not a lot of endurance in him.

I see Faulkner as the folksy, Larry Bowa-type bench coach. He spins yarns about Teddy Ballgame's approach at the plate to try and convince Hart "The Rookie" Crane that he need not imitate every single one of his teammates' quirks.

Wyndham Lewis is a perfect pinch hitter, capable of igniting the offense when it's lethargic.

Yes, but would he be an igniter or would he be sticking a fork in one? You want a quirky hotfooting reliever, though, Lewis may be your guy. (Or he may start making love to the pitching machine. Never can tell.)

Robert Penn Warren is a starter converted to long relief, Brooks is the closer, and Wimsatt and Beardsley are lefty one out guys. Empson is the wild man; the fans never forgave him after certain allegations of impropriety, but his pastoral pitch is heart-stopping.

Penn Warren is no modernist. If Faulkner-Bowa is the bench coach, Penn Warren is the Single A coach on the hot seat. My own loyal devotion aside, I'm not a fan of the bombastic closers. (But I now love K-Rod. I now love K-Rod. I now love K-Rod.) Give me a workmanlike performance from Kenneth "Mariano" Burke . . . although that doesn't work, as Mariano has the cutter and the, um, cutter. Whereas Burke has as many grammars as Matsuzaka has Variations on the Theme of Curve.

Hemingway doesn't seem light enough to make a good leadoff guy.

Hemingway is more Pete Rose than Rickey! I admit, but I wouldn't mind either in the first slot. (So long as the latter stayed away from the slots.)

Starting Beckett over Faulkner?

Faulkner's a hard call to make. He's Julio Franco at this point: will you get the raw shortstop singing about soldier's pay? The solid third baseman who a flair for sound and fury? The MVP candidate of 1989, 1989! or the wealthy Mexican league cast off in that mansion? (That and I like him as my bench coach.)

Mike S

Where do we put Lawrence? Lanky and unkempt, so I'm thinking pitcher. Maybe middle relief?

CR um AWP

I suck for starting this and then disappearing into work work exhaustion and then work. Sorry SEK.

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