Sunday, 13 December 2009

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Why is Scott finding it difficult to finish grading?* SEK: Time to put this quarter to bed! Remember that time when I ate all my food but had a hairball and threw it all up? Me neither. SEK: No, I actually do, demoted-Virgil, as it was only an hour ago. I also remember giving you kitty-laxative, which means we have to wait to feed you for a while. It disturbs me that I will not be eating right this very second. SEK: I can see that, but you still need to wait a few hours before you can eat. BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: I can see that, but you're still going to have to wait. Now, where was I? That's right. I was putting the quarter to— BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: Why don't you play with your brother somewhere that is else? (SEK picks Virgil up and relocates him to the living room. He then returns to the office and closes the door behind him.) As I was saying, it's time to put this quarter to bed! Just need to log into the Electronic Educational Environment (EEE) and start inputting grades. (muffled) BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: Much better. (SEK finishes tallying his students' grades on Class Communities Assignments and presses "Save.") EEE: You have been automatically logged out of me. SEK: Why? EEE: Because. SEK: Motherfuck! EEE: Not even with your discs. SEK: What? (muffled) BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: Are you talking shit? EEE: Are you accusing me of talking shit? (muffled) BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: What if I am? What are you going to do about it? EEE: I'm going to log you out again is what! EEE logs SEK out again. SEK: Motherfuck! SEK's cellphone rings and he answers it. SEK: Hello? What? No, I'm not selling school furniture. No, I didn't place an ad there. What? Yes, that is my old telephone number, but I'm not selling fifty lab tables treated with Wilsonart® Chemsurf® chemical-laminate. Sorry I can't help. Turns off cellphone. SEK: Now, where was I again? That's right, I was about to re-input the Class Community Assignments into my electronic gradebook. SEK's cellphone rings and he answers it. SEK: Hello? What? No, seriously, I'm sure I'm not selling fifty lab tables treated with Wilsonart® Chemsurf® chemical-laminate. If had any tables, believe you me, I'd— (muffled) BUT I'M HUNGRY NOW! SEK: (becoming visibly agitated) Why would I lie about that? If I had the tables, I'd sell them to—no, seriously, if you want to give me the money, I won't turn it down, but you won't be receiving any tables in return, because I don't—no, I'm most definitely not threatening to defraud you of— SEK's cellphone goes dead. SEK: Mother— A loud crash, as if millions of dinner-plates suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly shattered, is heard behind the office door. SEK: What the— I AM VIRGIL SCOURGE OF COUNTER-TOPS AND ENEMY OF CERAMIC PLATES AND I HAVE FOUND YOU WANTING! NOW FEED ME OR ELSE! SEK: Or...

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