They try to deny it, but they all watch House.

[For the record, I have no memory of writing this. I'm guessing I did so after they administered something or other. Let that be a lesson to you up-and-coming academic bloggers. I'm not sure what kind of lesson, though.  Don't get kidney stones?]

It's 9:14 p.m. and SEK sits in an emergency clinic, worried by the fact that he hasn't kept anything solid down since Friday. He's also impressed by the fact that he can access the internet on his phone--granted, no Gmail or Facebook, though TypePad and Wikipedia work fine--but whatever, he has come to this clinic in search of an answer.  After hours of waiting, a YOUNG DOCTOR pushes aside the curtain and begins to "examine" him.

YOUNG DOCTOR: You've been vomiting, it's probably appendicitis.

SEK: I have no abdominal pain.

YOUNG DOCTOR: You've been throwing up. Best get an ultrasound.

SEK: I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and suffered all its "irritable" side effects, so I know from abdominal pain and have none.

YOUNG DOCTOR: May just be your pain tolerance means you can't feel it.

SEK: I cry when I see other people stub a toe.

YOUNG DOCTOR: (befuddled)

SEK: (exasperated) My abdomen is fine. (pokes at it like an obnoxious uncle) I'm thinking it's something else.

YOUNG DOCTOR: (intent on covering his ass) Still, best to cover all bases.

SEK: IT'S NOT LUPUS!

From behind the curtain to his right, someone softly chuckles. Someone else behind the curtain to his left follows suit. The YOUNG DOCTOR looks at SEK, scowls, then exits the "room" and tells the nurse to send NEW DOCTOR in to help him.

NEW DOCTOR: What seems to be the problem?

SEK: Past three days. Two o'clock or so. Vomit uncontrollably. Head splits open.

NEW DOCTOR: You're clearly dehydrated. I'm putting you on an IV and we'll reevaluate in an hour.

SEK: Not appendicitis?

NEW DOCTOR: Your abdomen hurt?

SEK: No I said No it doesn't No.

NEW DOCTOR: Then not appendicitis. Let's take some blood and see what's what.

SEK would tell you how this story ends, but it's currently 12:02 a.m. and although he feels much better/hydrated, he's still in the emergency clinic waiting for test results.  He's amazed that he had the patience to write this on his phone, but given that he's not allowed to turn the ringer on and talk to anyone on it, what the hell else was he going to do?  He got tired of staring at the wall hours ago and has to amuse himself somehow.

Comments

[newsouthzach]

Eh, a friend of mine had appendicitis that presented as vomiting and back pain. Not saying the first doctor was right, but... defensive medicine, you know? If he missed a case of appendicitis that led to a perforation and sepsis, that would not do good things to his medical career.

Are we ever going to get to read the plagiarised paper? I know, not your student, but perhaps you could prevail upon the aggrieved professor to share this piece of work with the world. I'm sure your commenters would have some wonderful suggestions.

[Ahistoricality]

juvenile rheumatoid arthritis

Now I understand why you don't blame graduate school for you 'eventful' life....

The YOUNG DOCTOR looks at SEK, scowls, then exits the "room" and tells the nurse to send NEW DOCTOR in to help him.

I didn't realize until recently that a doctor could do that: give up on a patient because we're 'difficult.' I saw a surgeon do it when he couldn't answer basic questions to the satisfaction of non-doctors and we had the temerity to keep asking questions. It's grossly unprofessional behavior. But it has the benefit of removing incompetents from your care team, so I suppose it's not entirely without merit.

[Adam Roberts]

Thank heavens you had to pay for this out of your own pocket! Think how much worse it would have been if your treatment had been free, under some kind of socialist 'national health service'.

[Thomas]

I had a doctor try and diagnose me with appendicitis from similar symptoms. I'd had my appendix out when I was sixteen.

Should I be bothered that my doctor didn't ready my medical history?

[SEK]

In all honesty, I should take this down, shouldn't I? Things you don't remember writing should be on the blog.

[alkau]

You should leave this up as a lesson to all who write or call people when in "other world ' states. Justin would agree with this. As far as the doctor goes, yes even if you are paying a doctor can refuse to care for you or you can request another doctor. The issue is not reading history and thinking you have all the answers. With complex histories having a written up history that you carry with you is important. Having a list of ALL meds.,including over-the-counter stuff is a must. This gives a doctor or anyone treating you with an instant look into your medical issues. This can prevent undue testing and provide a jumping point that cut to the chase. A doctor know what you are taking and what you know are issues and can lead to a pleace that only concerns the present. You know where to go quickly and what you can rule out easily. This helps cut costs and saves time. Anyway, that is my thought on the medical issue. Doctors are not GOD and yet, we still try to treat them as such even when we are paying the bill.

[alkau]

And doctors have watched HOUSE and Other shows so that we all think /doctors are great! /they have power to solve any problem they have been presented with. The real truth lies in the little electronic pads they are never without. Thes are used to let others on duty that they have no clue to what is worng with the patient, who just now looks like he is dying. And yes Scott gets his 'telling tales" ability from his mom.
And watch the nurses because they know more and can help more. They often tell the MDswhat to do. They can also move the MDs in the right direction.I know I was a very healthy woman until we moved south to a land I really love, but I seem to be spending more time and money seeking cures from this diease slowly taking my life.
And phones today can be used in most places in hospitals because of new technology. Thats how doctors keep up with patients and MDs can carry around info which he can get instant results from. It's like Windows 7. I just love it. With that said I will now go to sleep so I can get to the hospital in the morning for some testing on myself before I fly to Cal.Like mother, like Son. Love, Mom

[Ahistoricality]

Things you don't remember writing should[n't] be on the blog.

There's no question whatsoever that you wrote it, in style, content or origin. While your new medication regimen may have produced some short-term memory loss, it clearly didn't diminish your linguistic or stylistic abilities nor, unless I'm missing something, lower your inhibitions to write something you would normally have hidden or otherwise redacted.

As far as being a 'warning' to future writers, I think the only message is this: have a style and method well polished before attempting public writing in extremis.