At 8 a.m. on the morning of 16 June 1904, two men woke up. One
shaved for class and breakfasted with his usurper and an anti-Semite.
The other, a Jew, purchased a pork kidney and serves it to his wife in
the same bed in which she cuckolded him. He left to pick up a letter
from his secret sweetheart and chatted with the people he met on his
way to the baths. Once clean, he attended a funeral and saw a
After the funeral, he tried to place an advertisement in a local
newspaper but decided more research was required, so he scooted off to
the library where, unbeknown to him, the first of our two men was
disquisiting on Shakespeare.
Many people walked around, including our Jew, who decided to follow
his morning kidney with an afternoon liver. He ogled the barmaids and
thought about his wife who, if his suspicions were correct, would soon
be cuckholding him again. So he exited the bar with the pretty
reminders of his pain and entered another full of anti-Semites. Fists
and cans were thrown.
Troubled by thoughts of wife and ancient grievances, he wandered
seaside way and publicly co-masturbated with a cripple. He later
attended the birth of a child and the English language before following
our first man into the red-light district. He caught up with him,
himself, himself-in-drag, his dead grandfather, Nobodaddy, a giant green
crab, a talking hat-stand and ducked out when the police arrived.
Chastened, the two men entered a dive and met a drunken sailor. They
absconded to the home of the Jew and bonded while urinating under the
As 16 June 1904 came to a close, the Jew returned to his troubled
marital bed and asked his wife to serve him breakfast in it tomorrow.
She considered his request but never decided one way or the other.