Tuesday, 23 November 2010

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One day, I hope to stop being surprised. [The response to this silliness can be found here.] I try not to pay attention to Glenn Beck, but even when I have, I never really paid attention to him. But when an old friend, someone I genuinely respect, forwarded me a link to Beck’s archive and dared me to refute his logic, I decided it might be time to try. Bad decision. As someone who’s studied linguistics and taught journalism, I know that spoken language differs significantly from written and resist judging speakers for not speaking in complete sentences or organizing their thoughts into coherent paragraphs. That said, it should still possess some underlying logic, which is why this transcript from his November 19th program requires an airing out. It begins by preying on lunatic fears of a One World Government: I have a little bug inside of me, too, and it wants to stop control-hungry progressives from running our lives and pushing us into a giant global system of government. You know, the kind of global government that [Jay Rockefeller's] dad liked so much. [David Rockefeller] was a globalist and had a wonderful vision of the future of our world. Then, just in case his audience was insufficiently terrified: I feel a little uncomfortable. We’ll talk about preparing for—let’s just leave it at that, being prepared. Note how, in a classic bit of demagoguery, he stops himself just short the moment of revelation. People fear what they don’t know, especially when they’re being told, in ominous tones, that the unknown requires preparation and is connected, somehow, to the “shadowy” or “spooky” forces of the One World Government. Those adjectives don’t appear in that particular quotation, but they appear later, and frequently, especially with regards to: George Soros, [whose] daddy was a globalist as well. He believed in something called Esperanto. Esperanto is a made up language. It was designed for a one world government. It started in the 1890s, 1880s. And he was fluent in it. I mean, he wrote a book in Esperanto for one world government. Later, George Soros started his Open Society Institute. The main goal of the Open Society Institute was really that of his father’s: to create a world free of nationalities—one world government. I knew, in the vague way that everyone who follows politics knows, that Beck believes that lines on a chalkboard have the force of logic. I did not, however, appreciate that he was trafficking in full-throated conspiracy theories about the imminent invasion of the forces of the One World Government. Put differently, I expected to find moments, like the following, in which Beck discovered in the world connections that only exist in his head: Soros explains the anti-capitalist, pro-Marxist tactics he uses to fundamentally transform countries. They are the dreams of his father—which is weird because that’s almost the title of Barack Obama’s book, The Dreams From My Father. His daddy, by all accounts was a communist, at least an anti-colonialist, as was his grandfather. The apple doesn’t fall...
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Recipes from the Headless Chef: Cheeseless Cheesecake In the interest of being topical, I think it's high time I share another recipe.* You will need: 1 medium-sized metal bowl 1 3-quart sauce-pan 1 blender 1 block of silken tofu 1 bag or bar of quality chocolate 1 bottle of your favorite dessert liquor 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract 1 tablespoon of honey 1 crust Begin by taking out your aggression toward all those rank-annoying vegans and vegetarians you've ever met** and place that fucking tofu in the fucking blender and blend that fucker into a paste. Feel better? Me too. Next, pour a cup of water in the sauce-pan and bring it to a boil. Place the metal bowl on top of it and add 1) about half the chocolate, 3) the vanilla extract, and 3) enough of your favorite dessert liquor to cover it. Stir it and let your makeshift double-boiler melt the chocolate into the liquor. Take the melted chocolate mixture and add it to the fucking tofu. Add about half the honey and blend until it's thoroughly mixed. Use the rest of the honey to regulate the consistency. (Think pourable pudding.) Pour the mixture into the pie crust. If you'd like to make your own crust, you can. (I can't. I've ruined many a fine filling by pouring it into a tragedy of a from-scratch crust.) Place in the refrigerator for a few hours. Remove from the refrigerator and amaze everyone with the quality cheesecake you just made. They'll be genuinely impressed so long as you don't tell them what's in it. *I meant to make this a series, but then again, I've meant to write a lot of things I've never gotten around to writing, so there you go. **Myself included.

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