Monday, 18 March 2013

Steven Crowder and his “funny” rape “jokes” CPAC supporters are very upset that The Huffington Post “lied” about “comedian” Steven Crowder’s criticisms of Ashley Judd. Here’s the “funny” rape “joke” that caused the fuss: As you know, Ashley Judd has recently been heard equating both mining and purchasing Apple Products to “rape.” So my commentary at CPAC on her stupid, and insensitive comparisons was exactly this “This just in, Ashley Judd just tweeted that purchasing apple products is akin to rape … from her iPhone.” Crowder was, according to himself, “Clearly taking aim at Ashley Judd for her stupid rape comments.” Which is all well and good, had the comments Judd made remotely resembled the ones Crowder attributed to her. Before getting to Crowder, let’s look at our favorite Confederate’s defense of him: By tagging Crowder as a “Fox News contributor,” the writer of the HuffPo item signaled to liberal readers that the young comic is a hate-object. It’s wrong to call Crowder a “Fox News contributor,” according to McCain, because it “signal[s]” something to liberal readers. You know who that criticism should be aimed at? The person who runs “” and identifies him “FoxNew’s brightest, funniest young Conservative mind.” Doesn’t that person know what he’s signalling? His affiliation with Fox notwithstanding, Crowder’s comment is clueless for the simple reason that Judd never claimed that purchasing an Apple product was “akin,” metaphorically, to rape. She said, according to that bastion of liberal propaganda, The Daily Caller: I am financing mass rape as I enjoy these ridiculously Global North ultra-efficiencies and conveniences, for large scale rape is the preferred predation mining interests use to humiliate and terrify local populations, in order to control resource areas. The relationship she describes there isn’t one in which purchasing an Apple product is “akin” to committing rape, but one in which purchasing material something built with “conflict minerals” makes one complicit in the brutal tactics of the regimes who mine them. The difference between Crowder’s summary and Judd’s actual statement couldn’t be more stark: he thinks she equates all evils with “rape,” you know, like liberals do; whereas she’s specifically identifying how rape is used in a particular cultural context to “convince” people to work for slave-wages. I’m not saying that Judd hasn’t made outlandish statements in the past, but this strikes me as Crowder doing what John Nolte and Jeff Goldstein and every other anti-political correctness crusader loves to do: telling jokes that white men are forbidden to tell by the dark and womanly multicultural establishment. Because it’s just as bleeding edge now as it was in ’77. [x-posted and vigorouly commented upon at LGM.]
How to remove a ring from your finger without a firearm [An astute reader brought the sad tale of Alfredo Malspini III to my attention, and lest any of you shoot off a finger to spite a ring, I thought I'd share some practical advice about ring-removal that I wrote up a few years back.] There you are on a Saturday night, futzing with your wedding ring because your wife thinks your trichotillomania makes you look mangy: off your left ring finger, onto your right pinkie; off your right pinkie, onto your left pinkie; off your left pinkie, onto your right ring finger; off your right ring finger, off your right ring finger, OFF YOUR RIGHT RING FINGER, non et cetera. You pull and you twist; you pull while twisting and you twist while pulling all to no avail. You look at your wife and you tell her, “I’ve misplaced my wedding band.” She will look at you, j’accuse burning in her eyes, until you hold up your right hand. She will then enter the kitchen and return with the ingredients required to perform Step One: 1. Apply cold water and a little soap. Gently work the soap under the ring and twist. If the ring still does not come off, massage the area of the finger below the knuckle to remove some of the fluid from the finger. Wait a few minutes, then repeat. Continue until the finger is good and chafed. After fifteen minutes of repeated failure, your wife will walk back into the kitchen and return with the materials needed for Step Two: 2. Dry the chafed finger with hand towel, then apply the following in any order: water-based lubricants, oil-based lubricants, semi-solid fats, hydrogenated vegetable oils, as well as any lard, suet, ghee, tallow, or schmaltz you find lying around. As with the soap and water, work the slippery substance under the ring and twist and turn. Carefully slip a knife under the ring and try to slide it over the knuckle. If the ring-bearer cries in pain, ascertain whether its source is the ring jamming on the knuckle or the knife slicing into it. This too will fail. Your wife will walk back into the kitchen yet again. Take this opportunity to try to wash your hilariously lubed finger. The water-based lubricants will dissolve quickly, but the oil-based lubricants, semi-solid fats, suet, schmaltz, &c. will take some time. Expect to find an oily residue scumming the top of the bucket used in Step Three: 3. Thrust your hand into the bucket of ice water which your wife has brought in from the kitchen. Leave it in there until the ring-bearer screams. When he does, shoot him a look of unconcealed embarrassment with a hint of disappointment, then allow him to “tough” it out for another three minutes. Once he passes out, remove his hand from the bucket and check to see that the desired amount of vasoconstriction has occurred, then repeat steps one and two. You may notice that despite the intense cold and vigorous oily...

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