Tuesday, 10 February 2015

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In which SEK seems to be trying to get arrested SEK is on his way from Baton Rouge to Houston. Outside of Scott, Louisiana he witnesses a bus try to switch lanes, clipping the car in front of him and sending it spinning into the median, where it finally comes to a halt on an incline, almost sideways. The bus just keeps on going. SEK pulls over, exits his vehicle, and walks back toward the car and peers into the car. SIDEWAYS GUY is slumped over unconscious on his deployed airbag. Then – MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Hello, are you OK? SEK (confused): Are you OK? MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Are YOU OK? SEK (still confused): I’m fine. Who are you? MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Who are YOU? SEK (still, yes, confused): I’m Scott. MYSTERIOUS VOICE: And where are you? SEK: (you guessed it) Scott. MYSTERIOUS VOICE: No, WHERE are you? SEK: (baffled) Outside of Scott, Louisiana. MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Don’t worry, help is already on the way. At this point, SEK FINALLY realizes he’s been talking to an OnStar representative and he hears sirens. The EMS and police arrive, and SEK points to unconscious SIDEWAYS GUY and starts talking to the cops. COP: Could you describe the vehicle? SEK: It was a bus. It had the [company name written] on the side and… COP: And what? SEK: It had a cartoon character on the side of it, and it was… COP: What was it? SEK: This is going to sound terrible, and you know I’m trying to be helpful, but… COP: But what? SEK: I’m pretty sure it was a cartoon pig dressed up like a cop. COP: A cartoon pig — dressed up like — a law enforcement officer? SEK: I’m pretty sure. COP: OK — you wait here. SEK then repeats his story to a few other officers, and is informed he will be contacted on Monday to be deposed, as he is the only witness to the accident. BUT THERE’S MORE — BELOW THE FOLD! First, about an hour and a half a few hundred miles later, SEK sees a bus pulled over and surrounded by cop cars and he feels jubilation because he makes for one BAD ASS eye witness, and… Second, here’s the logo of the company — does this not look like a pig in a cop’s uniform?
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SEK vs. ENT SEK needed to go to an ENT because his right ear is on the fritz. So he went to VERY YOUNG ENT's office in Prairieville, Louisiana, which may or may not have any bearing on what follows. VERY YOUNG ENT: (looking at -- but not reading -- SEK's medical file) This is a really thick file you have here. SEK: I do what I can. VERY YOUNG ENT: (putting down file) So what seems to the be the problem, man? SEK: My right ear is on strike. VERY YOUNG ENT: (puts otoscope in SEK's ear) Whoa, dude, how do you hear anything out of this? SEK: I don't at the moment. VERY YOUNG ENT: I mean, what about ever? SEK: What about ever what? VERY YOUNG ENT: What about how do you ever hear anything out of it? It's like your ear canal is upside down, man. SEK: It's not ideal. VERY YOUNG ENT: And what's up with your eardrum? SEK: (looking longingly as his unread medical history) There's a -- VERY YOUNG ENT: Giant hole in it, man. How'd that happen? I mean -- SEK: Tubes. Many sets of -- VERY YOUNG ENT: You don't need to tell me. That's giant -- like, giant. How are we even having this conversation? SEK: (resisting to the urge to say, "What conversation?") With effort. VERY YOUNG ENT: No doubt, man, no doubt. So it's not infected, it's just -- SEK: Weird? VERY YOUNG ENT: Very weird. Let me look something up. (leaves) And that's where SEK's story ends, at least for the moment, because SEK is still in the room where the VERY YOUNG ENT left him. After about 30 minutes SEK got so bored sitting in the room that he took out his laptop and wrote this. SEK isn't sure whether the VERY YOUNG ENT is coming back, or even if the VERY YOUNG ENT's offices are even open anymore. The rest of the story is available at Facebook because sorry, that's just where people "live-blog" stuff now.

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