Saturday, 26 March 2005

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The "Woman's Order" (In Which No Scrotiform, Peniform or Other Objects Suspensory Appear) Observing the unfortunate commonalities of the past posts, A. Cephalous determined to face down his dilemma. He could not continue to publish material which contributed only to the education of a singular type, given to brood for days over an imaginary grief and substantial whiskey before waiting, always round the corner, often with a knife, but more often with a pistol, to revenge the insult by the dry light of delirium tremens. A. Cephalous understood such men could not analyse an idea, much less conceive of admitting two, and willed himself an education anew. He would, as he must, file this broadsheet from education's backside under: Miscellany Acquired Reading The Education of Henry Adams When He Should Have Been Grading. Major General Benjamin F. Butler occupied New Orleans in April of 1862. Shortly thereafter Confederate sympathizers began to organize. Any sign of Union forces compelled this elite cadres of Confederate insurgents to contemptuously gather in their skirts, cross streets, flee rooms, cast hateful glances and make derisive comments. Gen. Maj. Butler countered these public displays of bitter resentment by issuing General Orders No. 28: As the officers and soldiers of the United States have been subjected to repeated insults from the women (calling themselves ladies) of New Orleans, in return for the most scrupulous noninterference and courtesy on our part, it is ordered that hereafter when any female shall, by word, gesture, or movement, insult or show contempt for any officer or soldier of the United States, she shall be regarded and held liable to be treated as a woman of the town plying her avocation."
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what? What? WHAT? and the Best CFP Puns of the Week Sitting in an office this afternoon working over final grades with the course director and someone who enjoys watching my wince whinge and wallow informs me that next quarter--the one that happens after the quarter whose final grades I'm currently computing with the course director--that "next quarter" begins "next Monday" a.k.a. the day that's five days away and not as I'd spent the last week supposing the Monday that's at least twelve but in all probability nineteen days away. The pain strips commas from my clutches because who has time for commas when Spring is nigh and inspires unparalled alliterative fits. In news whose normally noxious effects on my sanity may have been mitigated by the surprising arrival of the Spring Quarter I present the lowlights of this week's Academic Calls For Papers (CFP) Puns Division: Ill-uminating Gender: Gender and Disease Corpo/realities roots/routes General stupidities include: "Integration and Fragmentation affect every aspect of contemporary life and academic activity...What kind of activities are integrating, which are fragmenting; and what manner of strategies might bring these issues together." "While much critical attention has been given to the disiplinary moves which have created the student body in education, the significance of teachers' bodies remains central to the production of knowledge...For this special edition we seek articles that examine this problematic through the signification of the teacher's body and the spaces in which teachers perform their identities. Teaching as performance implies an audience...We are looking for smart, lively essays that examine the construction of the teacher's body inside and outside the spaces of schooling...as well as the performances that are required of teachers to maintain their status as (in)visible containers of knowledge." That second one slaughters. All this time I thought the goal of teaching was to perform the act of teaching THAT IS the mass migration of ideas from my head into my students' BUT it turns out that what I should've been doing all along is performing my identity for the students so that they might learn who I am and what's so FUCKING SPECIAL about me that they're spending upwards of $10,000 per annum to watch me perform my identity. (Commas are out 'cause I have no time for pausing but SHIFT IS IN because SHIFTING never slowed NO ONE down.) But this CFP's kicker is that despite its authors' investment in investigating say how teachers' bodies are marked through racial and racist knowledge even as these bodies are made and remade in and through interaction and performances in the classroom (and no there were no commas in the original) so that despite this investment these teachers presumably of English know it no better than our current Commander in Chief. They ask: What are the pedagogical functions of a teacher's body that is marked by difference? You have me there I admit that sentence isn't ungrammatical so much as tortured by its commitment to ugly awkward and ungainly phrasing. I could maybe bring this up with them via a smart lively...

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