Coerced Congeniality

Selections from the email I sent out to my intelligent but shy Introduction to Literary Journalism class this quarter.  My answers are in italics:

For the better part of three years I've enviously eyed the conversational flow of the upper-division writing seminars.  Today I realized the reason for the ease with which students in these seminars speak is entirely due to a simple fact: they know each other.  They've taken at least four or five classes and/or workshops together, so they're comfortable talking to and before each other.  So I thought long and hard about how to artificially recreate that environment in Intro. to LJ, and the best I could come up with is a questionnaire that y'all will fill out. 

Over the listserv.

Is it awkward?  Yes.  Uncomfortable?  Of course.  But it'll help you to understand the people with whom you'll be sharing your thoughts and work over the next eight weeks.  So when you reply, make sure you reply to the entire class, and when you speak in class, make sure you say your name so your classmates can begin to associate your face with your name.  As a show of good faith, I'll answer first.

2.  What would your mascot be?  What would it look like?

A robot monkey made of wood.

3.  How do you feel about competitive eating?  What competitive eating contest would you enter if you were forced to do so?

Moral qualms notwithstanding--more than half the world's starving as I write--I have don't have strong feelings about competitive eating one way or another.  On the one hand, half the world starving; on the other hand, they eat a lot of hot dogs and I'm a vegetarian...and the fewer hot dogs in the world, even if they are World Famous Nathan's Footlong Hot Dogs, the better. 

5.  Name four websites you check almost every time you go online.

www.baseballprospectus.com: For the sabermetrically inclined baseball fan.  Don't know what I'm talking about?  Read Michael Lewis' Moneyball.  Want to read it for this class?  You can!  Just ask.

www.thevalve.org: A collection of literary critics I respect who have their own blog.  They're connected to both www.littleprofessor.typepad.com and www.crookedtimber.org.  Both excellent sites.

www.aldaily.com: So I can learn what important cultural and political figures have died and why their deaths are as important as those of the important people who died last week.  Also, the best source for information about upcoming books and essay collections.

www.nytimes.com : Because I'm too lazy to watch television. 

6.  What do you think'll kill you?  What steps are you taking to thwart it?

The way people drive in Southern California, I'd have to say I'll probably die in an accident on the way to Albertson's.  I'll thwart it by never leaving my apartment.  By week four, this'll be a correspondence course; week eight, I'll stop answering email; week ten, you won't even remember you're in Intro. to LJ.  You'll wonder why you have that nagging feeling every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning that there's somewhere you're supposed to be.  You won't be able to put your finger on it, but you'll swear you used to do something Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.  Six years later you'll find your copy of Intimate Journalism.  "Why did I buy this?" you'll ask yourself.

7.  What do you watch on television when you're not busy preparing for
Intro. to LJ?  What are your favorite shows that are no longer on the air?

I tivo Lost, Arrested Development, The Office, Good Eats, The Staircase, South Park and every Mets game I can catch.  During the Golden Age of television, i.e. when Joss ruled the world, I watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly.  Since I'm older than I'm likely to ever admit to you, I'll also say that I loved Homicide (created and directed by Barry Levinson) and Twin Peaks (written and directed by David Lynch).  I should add that if I had more time I'd watch Deadwood and the Wire, but I don't, so I don't.

8.  Favorite music?  Genre?  Band?  Artist?  Movement?  Period?

Wilco, The Flaming Lips, Yo La Tengo, The Replacements, The Pixies, Radiohead, Grandaddy, Fugazi, Ani Difranco, Jim O'Rourke, John Vanderslice, The Magnetic Fields, Interpol, Hüsker Dü, Pavement, Talking Heads, The Clash, Neko Case, Uncle Tupelo, Tom Waits, TV on the Radio, Dave Von Ronk, Bob Dylan.  I'd like to thank my iPod directory structure for making this question easier to answer than ever before.

9.  What were you doing immediately before you began filling out this
questionnaire?  What will you be doing when you're finished?

Before I started filling out this questionnaire I was writing it.  When I'm finished I'll be re-re-re-reading Singer's "Predilections" so I can speak about it intelligently tomorrow.

10. What do you tell people when you want to make a good impression? 
Conversely, what do you tell people when you wish they'd leave you
alone already?

That I'm a future English Ph.d.  That I'm a future English Ph.d. 

11. What did you want to be when you grew up when you were younger?  What are the odds you'll end up being that?  What do you want to be when you grow up now?

I wanted to be a professional baseball player.  The odds are very, very slim.  Now I think I'd like to be employed.  As a teacher.  At a university. 

12. Name three things you're almost 100% certain nobody'd ever guess
about you.  Name three things you're almost 100% certain everybody
thinks about you.

People would never guess: 1) I graduated from high school with a 1.67 GPA and was on academic probation my freshman and sophmore years at LSU; 2) most of the teeth on the right side of my mouth are false as a result of charging what I thought would be a bunt but turned out to be a hit-and-run; 3) I'm considered a very good cook by people who've attended cooking schools and currently work as professional cooks. 

Everyone knows: 1) I spend most of my time reading anything I can get my hands on; 2) I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself to get a laugh; 3) I'm a cat-person.

13. Lightning round! What are the first three words that come to your mind when I say:
    a. Charles Darwin: evolution, dissertation, dissertation
    b. Charles in Charge: awful, '80s, television
    c. Charlie Chaplin: tramp, wiggle, Hitler
    d. Charlize Theron: monster, apartheid, insincere
    e. Charlton Heston: damn, dirty, apes
    f. Charles Dickens: damn, dirty, London
    g. Charlie Parker: don't, appreciate, jazz
    h. Charlie Musselwhite: who? strong? Atlas?
    i. Charlie: horse, 'Nam, Wilder

14. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist
Party?

Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last?  Have you left no sense of decency?

15. What are your favorite movies?  Do you have a favorite director or
writer?  What about a favorite actor or actress?  Surely you have a few of those.

Favorite movies: Lost in Translation, Donnie Darko, Down by Law, Fight Club, Say Anything, Full Metal Jacket, Rushmore, Kicking and Screaming.  Favorite actors: John Cusack, Johnny Depp, Luke Wilson, Bill Murray, Billy Bob Thorton. Favorite directors: Wes Anderson...and I'm blanking out.  I'm sure I like others.

16. Identify two gaping holes in your education. 

Math.  Am I limited to two?  Because I could go on all day and night about all the things I don't know.  In terms of conventional education, I'm not nearly as well-versed in world history as I should be.  I'm reminded of this every time I read a sentence that begin "in the infamous trial/battle/epidemic/etc. of...."

17. What kind of car do you drive?  Do you care about it more or less
than you imagine you'll care about the welfare of your future children?

I drive a shit car about which I don't give a...

18. Do you speak any languages other than English?  If you do, do you
speak it fluently or "fluently enough to keep my GPA afloat"?

According to my transcript, I know Hebrew, Latin, French and Italian.  But if you asked me a question in any of those languages, I'd have no idea what you'd said or, even if I did, no idea how to respond.

19. How do you feel about lettuce?  Why?  Explain.

It's a vegetable.  I'm a vegetarian.  You do the math.  (Not literally.  I'd never wish math upon anyone.)

21. Who are your favorite authors?  What are your favorite novels?

George Saunders; Thomas Pynchon; John McPhee; Susan Orlean; Charles Darwin; James Joyce; Sinclair Lewis; Hunter S. Thompson; Joan Didion...and I could answer this one forever.  I'm more interested in your answers. 

Comments

[Mr. Canoe Head]

Ramona is insulted.

[the little womedievalist]

We give a shit about Ramona. Really, we do. (So does that mean there's a Tom Baker in the trunk?)
The Ceph seems to have forgotten our summer with the Italian Communists in the remote hills of le Marche...and oh, (OH!) the lettuce...Is nothing sacred? A plague on ye and yourn.

[Alison]

http://www.google.com

Thanks

[Alison]

Smooth Transitions: School to Work

One of the most major transitions in any person's life is that from school to work. In high school or college, many people lead a protected life and are still helped financially and otherwise by their parents. After school, these ties are often cut, leaving the recent graduate to fend for his- or herself. This transition is scary for anyone, but even more so for an individual with autism. Because school is a time to learn to live with peers in a controlled environment, the work force is a difficult concept for autistic people because one must often deal with new situations daily rather than have the comfort of a set living situation.

One of the main things autistic graduates need to learn is how to deal with people in a business world. This includes proper grooming, something that may not have been such a big deal in high school or college. Proper grooming, such as brushing your teeth, wearing appropriate clothing, using deodorant, and combing your hair probably comes natural for most people, but an autistic person needs help with these tasks-he or she may not realize that they are being inappropriate. By this stage in life, many autistic individuals who have gone through schooling are at a maturity level where they can do the task assigned with no problem and avoid outbursts in most situations. In fact, it has been shown that some autistic individuals are highly skilled at tasks involving things such as math or music. Learning a new job in the work force is not the problem-relating to others in a social situation is.

These relationship problems also, unfortunately, help people take advantage of autistic individuals. Most people who suffer from autism believe that all people are like themselves, and inherently good. In business, it is sadly very common to come across companies and business people who do not practice ethically. This often shocks autistic individuals, who may have no idea how to handle this sort of situation. Others in the work force may also not be skilled to deal with autism, leading to bad relationships among employees. By hiring an autistic individual, employers must not only teach them their new job, but also provide direction for others who have to work with him or her. Intolerance in the work force is common, and autistic individuals need to be prepared for this. http://www.alison14.livethroughtheson.com Overall, it is important for people with autism to realize that there will be a major change between life in high school or college and life in the work force. It is probably very beneficial for these individuals to seek help in the transition from therapists, family members, or mentors. Going from school to work is difficult, but with a little motivation and hard work anyone, autistic or not, can succeed.