Wednesday, 12 April 2006

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What Only the Headless Have the Brains to Say... I've read countless congratulatory responses to statements by the Duke Lacrosse team's counsel that there was no conclusive DNA match and I agree: The possibility that this particular African-American woman lied proves how rarely women are raped (unless they're asking for it) and that race and class are no longer salient issues in this Great Egalitarian Experiment called America. If liberals would stop complaining about exaggerated race- and class-based inequality, these people would stop lying to drum up sympathy for their entirely affected sufferings. Addendum: Eighteen angry emails re-re-re-re-convinced me that sarcasm doesn't fly on the internet. Is it ironic or merely pathetic that as soon as I started to improve "the look" of this blog the substance went to shit? Is there some greater lesson to be learned here? Should I stop shaving and showering and concentrate on my message? Should I shun irons and all things starched in favor of jeans as worn as I feel? Should I turn this into a forum for elaborate expressions of my pain? I'm loath to take such measures intentionally; but I seem to've done so anyway. Is is that blogs only positively contribute to people's lives when those lives cut through the rapids instead of drowning in them? Does difficulty necessarily entail SSI and demented bunnies or am I in a funk? And if so why can't I be funky and funny? 'Cause I was never funnier than when I thought I thought I'd be dead in a month. My humor turned mordant, certainly, but as my condition worsened my wit sharpened. Many people noted it without understanding its etiology. Not that I want to re-live that nightmare; only that I wonder why I don't react defensively now as I did then. Why am I suddenly overwhelmed by pathetic high school insecurities? Is it simply because I was rightfully scolded for my infractions? Am I reviving memories of treads 'cross cheeks because I know I deserve 'em this time? More to point, will I have to rewrite this addendum tomorrow in some humorous fashion because I feel like I've whined my way through that which should've stood silently in defense of itself? And if I do . . . will I be able to muster a more amusing acronym (not to mention antecedent) than SSI?
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DISADVENTURE! [Other installments of Sekocom, Inc. games include DISADVENTURE!, DISADDENDUM!, DISMORALIZED!, DISINSOMNIA!, WHARTON!, GRADING!, DISBELIEF! and DISCONVENTION!.] Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Sekocom, Inc. All rights reserved. DISADVENTURE! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc. Revision 23 / Serial number 8940726 West of Apartment Complex You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here. > e The door is locked. There is evidently no key. > take key I don't understand that. > kick down door I don't understand that. > w You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here. > climb tree You are about ten feet above the ground nestled among some large branches. The nearest branch above you is beyond your reach. On the branch is a small birds nest. The birds nest contains: A jewel-encrusted egg. > take egg Taken. > throw egg You must supply an indirect object. > throw egg at grammar nazi I don't understand that. > throw egg at tree The jewel-encrusted egg falls to the ground. > climb down You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands here. > e You are standing in an open field west of a white apartment complex, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here. > s You are behind a white townhouse. In one corner of the townhouse there is a window which is slightly ajar. > open window With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow passage. > climb in window You are in the kitchen of the white townhouse. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west, and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. To the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A clear glass bottle is here. The glass bottle contains: A quantity of water. > open sack Opening the brown sack reveals: A clove of garlic. A lunch. > eat lunch Taken. Thank you very much. It really hits the spot. > w You are in the study of the townhouse. A desk has recently been used to write a dissertation. A door leads to a closet. To the east is a litter box which needs to be cleaned. There is a day old brownie on the desk which smells of cat urine. A book is open on the desk. > read book Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic. > read book Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic. > read book Read. There is a book underneath it that concerns a related topic. > verbose There are seventy four books on the desk...

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