Wednesday, 24 May 2006

Infamous Liar Kaufman Proven Truthiful! Story at 10.

[X-posted]

Scott Eric Kaufman boards a flight to Houston, TX.  He stumbles into his aisle seat and opens his backpack.  He pulls a stack of papers from it.  Because he needs new glasses, the name “McCann” is emblazoned in 14 point font across the top of first page.  Across the aisle sits a svelte young man clad all in black reading a Vintage International paperback.  He glances at Scott, then at the stack, then returns to his book.  The plane taxies down the runway and takes off.

Svelte Young Man: (leans into the aisle) What are you reading?

Scott: An essay a friend of mine sent me.

Svelte Young Man: What’s it about?

Scott: Getrude Stein, mostly, but it has a bit about evolutionary theory in it.

Svelte Young Man: ‘Cause I noticed it said “McCann” on it.  Is it by Sean McCann?

Scott: Actually, it is.

Svelte Young Man: One of my professors told me to check out his work.  Smart stuff.  Did you know he writes for this online thing?

Scott: Actually…

Svelte Young Man: It’s called “The Valve.”  Smart stuff.  I can give you the address.  You should really look it up.

Scott: Actually, I write for the Valve too.  My name’s Scott Kaufman. (offers hand)

Svelte Young Man: (stares blankly)

Scott: I’ve been writing there a while.  Sean and I are friends.

Svelte Young Man: (continues to stare blankly)

Scott: (feeling like a busted liar) No, really, I do.  Did you read the text adventure parody?

Svelte Young Man: Uh, no. 

Scott: Any of the stuff about Darwin?

Svelte Young Man: (visibly uncomfortable) Not that I remember.

Scott: (feeling increasingly busted) I post there all the time.

Svelte Young Man: Well, I don’t read the comments...

It’s all downhill from there.  Scott slowly withdraws his long outstretched hand.  He never manages to get the guy’s name, but he does learn (albeit indirectly) that the recommendation to track Sean down came, in all likelihood, from Mark McGurl.  He posts this in the hope that the anonymous guy who thinks Scott a liar will read this.  Because really, I mean, most of y’all complain he posts too much, no?

May 24, 2006 9:08:01 PM | Academia, Books, Dissertation, Evolution, Literary Theory, Literature, Philosophy

3 Comments

bitchphd

What's hilarious about this is that *you're* the one that feels embarrassed. As opposed to my academic nightmare of saying "oh, I like so-and-so" and then having someone say, "oh, then you must also like such-and-such, who they work with" and totally drawing a blank. If you'd been the svelte young man, you'd have been as mortified as you were being you, I'd expect.

Posted by: bitchphd | Friday, 26 May 2006 at 01:45 AM

Scott Eric Kaufman

Probably, but then again, I wouldn't have claimed to read something I haven't read. I sometimes claim not to have read things I have. I call it "the five year rule."

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman | Friday, 26 May 2006 at 06:48 PM

courtney

It is a horrid thing to claim you have read something you haven't or to claim you have done anything you haven't because even if you are full of the best BS something will catch up to you. I had this one bad incident where I was looking through a book of European photography while I was waiting for my girlfriend to meet me for dinner. This gorgeous guy approaches me and said he noticed the book I was looking at and started to talk to me about Europe and then brought up this European author who he suggested I read. And I said I had heard of him and he asked if I read this one book, which I now know is the book he is known for so if I heard of him I would have heard of this book, and I said yes. He starts talking about the book and automatically realizes I have no idea what he is talking about. It was a perfect time as any to make an ass out of myself I guess.

Posted by: courtney | Sunday, 11 June 2006 at 08:26 PM

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