Saturday, 27 May 2006

Aging Hipsters Acknowledge Desire to Purchase Adult Contemporary Albums By SCOTT ERIC KAUFMAN, Affiliated Press Writer 49 minutes ago IRVINE — Aging hipsters nationwide are fighting the urge to purchase two of the hottest new adult contemporary albums. Both albums—Paul Simon's Surprise and the Dixie Chicks' Taking the Long Way—boast producers who have what is called "indie cred." At the helm of Simon's Surprise is the esteemed Brian Peter George St. Baptiste de la Salle Eno. With the same deft hand responsible for such influential albums as Another Green World and The Microsoft Sound, Eno updates Simon's sound for a new generation of listeners. According to Simon, "I haven't sounded this fresh in since Graceland. I owe that entirely to Brian. His creepy atmospherics are the perfect counterbalance to my tendency to indulge in musical traditions I'm not altogether familiar with." At Amoeba Records in Los Angeles, a man in his late-twenties was seen clutching Surprise to a t-shirt celebrating Pavement's 1994 tour in support of Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. "I like Brian Eno," he said. "You going to use my name in this? 'Cause my girlfriend would flip. But seriously, listen to the 'How Can You Live in the Northeast' or 'Everything About It Is a Love Song' and tell me that's not classic Eno." "They should have started collaborating in the Seventies," said another Amoeba patron. "The lyrics even have that corny Seventies environmentalist thing going on. I can almost see that indian tear up when I listen to it." The same cannot be said for the new Dixie Chicks album. "The Seventies?" asked one of the legion of Atrios readers who pre-purchased the album. "More like the mid-Nineties. They brought in members of Semisonic, the Jayhawks, and got Rick Rubin to produce. So long as they hate Bush and it don't sound like the Dixie Chicks, it'll be awesome." Rubin has acquired a reputation for transforming marginal acts into popular crossover sensations. He has worked with everyone from L.L. Cool J., the Beastie Boys, Rage Against the Machine, System of a Down, Johnny Cash, Weezer and the Mars Volta. He decided to work with the Dixie Chicks for the challenge. "People thought I wouldn't be able to re-mainstream Neil Diamond, but you've seen Saving Silverman, right? Have you heard Johnny Cash's 'Hurt'? Has anyone ever covered a song better? Have you ever seen a better video? People expect me to perform miracles." According to that guy over there in the beaten Chuck Taylors and fashionably weathered jeans, he just may have succeeded. "You can actually hear Gary Louris on four of the songs. And the harmonies are sort of pretty sometimes. What's this in my hand you ask? The latest TV on the Radio album. Heard of them? Didn't think so. I'm still cool. Stop laughing." Gary Louris does sing harmony on "Everybody Knows." Given Rubin's penchant for trenchant covers, one would expect it to be a cover of Leonard Cohen's immortal "Everybody Knows." Or Concrete Blonde's incredible cover of Cohen's tune from Pump Up the...
How Do I Know Derrida Is Evil? or, What Really Happened to Thenosha Because back in '87 he decided that the best way to reform academia was to lead the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Sure he fought the good fight once or twice. But did he do so out of conviction? Pffft. He did so because he couldn't sorbonne America until he conquered Antartica and established a homeland for Theorists. After the Soamenals destroyed Thenosha his mental state deteriorated considerably. He would deconstruct his alarm clocks with the same indifferent aplomb with which he deconstructed his lovers. Eventually he awoke in a room with no meaning at the white heart center of a sun not unlike our own. Content with the divine deconstruction of hydrogen swirling around him, Jacqneto let his eyelids fall to better await the day of his fiery rebirth. Proof? What do you mean "proof"? Of course I have proof. See? So I'm sure y'all can do better than me in those bubbles or the origin story, if only because (to my knowledge) none of you have had to decide between pain-with-every-movement or the-intellection-of-the-average-comic-book-reader. (Lest any of y'all complain that I misunderestimate the intelligence of those who read comic books, I'm slagging the average reader of comic books. The fact that you read this blog proves you ain't average. I guarantee that you can't understand a damn word I write if you're not in at least the 51st percentile.) If you're only familiar with the older Derrida, I urge you to check out some photos from his dashing youth before you mock me for my Jacqneto.

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