No, You Weren't Thrown a Curve

[File under Language Log-lite.]

The phrase "throw X a curve" means "to surprise someone with something difficult or unexpected."  That definition baffles your average baseball fan.  Why would a hitter be surprised if a pitcher featuring a curve in his repetoire throws one?  Yet, according to Google:

throw * a curve ~89,400
throw * a curveball ~16,700
throw * a curve ball ~25,200

threw * a curve ~50,200
threw * a curveball ~14,200
threw * a curve ball ~17,600

Husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, sons, daughters ... bosses, employees ... assistant regional managers, assistants to the regional manager ... Mother Nature and Life-with-a-capital-"L" all throw unsuspecting "batters" unexpected curves.  You would think, with all these curves being thrown, people would realize that everyone and everything can throw a curve. 

Then why is it so effective?  Because everyone and everything also features hard cheese.  (Get a little smug and you'll find some mustard on it.)  By baseball logic, that's the only way to be "surprised" by a curve.  Note the scare quotes.  You're not "surprised" by the curve so much as you have to start your swing early in case you're thrown a good fastball.  But a change-up (which looks like a fastball but flies 5-10 m.p.h. slower) would "surprise" you in the exact same way.  The "surprise" lies in the speed differential.  You cheat on the fastball and anything slower—be it a curve, change-up, slider, knuckler, what-not—will "surprise" you in the very same way.

So why is the curve singled out?  Why does X always get you with the curve?  I'm not qualified to answer that question.  (I would've been if LSU hadn't dismantled the linguistics department, but then I wouldn't have caught people having sex in my office and never come to your attention.  He does work in mysterious ways.)  But I insist on commentarying anyway:

You have not been thrown a curve.  You've been frozen by an eephus:

The Eephus is thrown overhand like most pitches, but is characterized by the unusual high arc of its trajectory and its corresponding slow velocity, bearing more resemblance to a slow-pitch softball delivery than to traditional baseball. It is considered a "trick" pitch because in comparison to normal baseball pitches (70 to 100 miles per hour), an Eephus pitch appears to move in slow motion. Hitters typically get very anxious, swing wildly, or ground out.

God and everything you imagine exists in His Creation don't throw a curve.  They throw an eephus.  You weren't looking for it.  Didn't expect it.  But there it is ... floating erratically, so very seductively ... yet there's nothing you can do.  You've already finished swinging.

You thought they'd throw you a curve, but they threw you for a curve instead. 

What?  Threw you for a curve?  Crap, I have no clue what that means ...

Comments

[Kerry]

And I thought when you threw a curve, you ruined everyone else's grade and got beat up in the parking lot.