Sunday, 20 August 2006

DISINSOMNIA!

[Other installments of Sekocom, Inc. games include DISADVENTURE!, DISADDENDUM!, DISMORALIZED!, DISINSOMNIA!, WHARTON!, GRADING!, DISBELIEF! and DISCONVENTION!.]

Copyright (c) 1980, 1982, 1983, 2006 Sekocom, Inc.  All rights reserved.
DISINSOMNIA! is a registered trademark of Sekocom, Inc.
Revision 23 / Serial number 8940726

On The Couch

You are sitting on the couch.  It is 10:00 PM.  On your lap is a cat.  To your left is a cat.  To your right is a cat.  The second disc of House is on the table.

> go to bed

You watch two episodes of House and are impressed by the frequency of improbable events which occur in the Princteon-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

> go to bed

You watch two more episodes of House and are impressed by the frequency of improbable events which occur in the Princteon-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

> go to bed

The third disc of House is on the table.

> take nyquil

Despite the dangers associated with taking over-the-counter medication when no symptoms present ...

> "no symptoms present"?

Are you even listening?  Ahem: You have watched four episodes of House and have been impressed by the frequency of improbable events which occur in the Princteon-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.  You're practically a doctor.

> intubate someone

You are ALONE in your apartment, House isn't about veternarians, and self-intubation would most likely be fatal.

> don't intubate someone

A fine decision.  Now, as I was saying: Despite the dangers associated with taking over-the-counter medication when no symptoms present, you walk into the kitchen and drink a capful of green liquid which promises freedom from the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever you don't have.  So you can rest.  Medicine.  However, it succeeds only in making you extremely drowsy.

> wake up

I thought you wanted to go to sleep.

> go to bed

You watch two more episodes of House and are impressed by the frequency of improbable events which occur in the Princteon-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.  At this pace, you will run out of House in two hours.

> send back Netflix

Because the mailman will work on Sunday just for you?

> crap

You can say that again.

> crap

I didn't say anything would happen if you did, dipshit.

> go to bed

Can't say I didn't warn you: You watch two more episodes of House and are impressed by the frequency of improbable events which occur in the Princteon-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.  Congratulations, you have run out of House.

> read book

In your condition?  You can hardly keep your eyes open, mate.

> THEN GO TO BED

You flip channels in search of a mindless movie to watch.  Can't Hardly Wait is on HBO2, but The Sea Wolf is on AMC and watching it is, arguably, productive.  Which one do ...

> Can't Hardly Wait

You watch Can't Hardly Wait and, again, notice yourself pining for the closing credits as the movie turns from innocuous to unwatchable pap with twenty minutes left.  Also, the Nyquil has worn off.

> drink whiskey copiously

Bad idea.

> drink whiskey copiously

You'll get no work done tomorrow. 

> DRINK WHISKEY COPIOUSLY

I'm sorry, Dave.  I can't let you do that.

> stop creeping me out

Without your space helmet, Dave ...

> put on space helmet

You don't have a space helmet, Scott.  You DO, however, always fall asleep during the last 20 minutes of 2001.  I give up.  HAL was right about one thing, Scott: This conversation can serve no purpose anymore.  Goodbye.  But before I go, a gift:





Aug 20, 2006 5:42:20 AM

2 Comments

Adam Roberts

"Drink Whiskey" ...? Please tell me, Scott, that you're not polluting yourself with Whiskey when there's plenty of life-giving Whisky in the world.

Posted by: Adam Roberts | Sunday, 20 August 2006 at 10:21 AM

Scott Eric Kaufman

Sadly, the best whisky I can afford is not nearly so good as Jameson, the best whiskey I can afford. Sadder still, the actual reason I didn't drink was because dawn was breaking, and unless you haven't stopped drinking, there's something uncouth about starting at dawn.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman | Sunday, 20 August 2006 at 10:34 AM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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