Thursday, 17 August 2006

From the Draft Folder: I'm a Menace, I Say, a Menace

[I was sent a transcription of this conversation from one of my former students a few months back.  You'll remember I taught literary journalism, one imperative of which involves always having one's notebook handy.  She took it seriously, it seems, because about three weeks after being flattened, I ran into her on campus.  She later sent me her notes on the encounter—which, it turns out, was far more amusing that I originally thought it.  So the details, yes, the details: I'm gamely ambling across campus one day to get to my class, and she sees me and says ...]

Her:  Damn, you walk bad-ass slow-mo now?

Me:  I what?

Her:  Walk like a bad-ass in slow motion, grandpa.

Me:  What do you mean "grandpa"?

Her:  Forget that.  What I mean is, if I didn't know you, I'd think you'd come to fuck me up.

Me:  Really?  Nothing to do with "grandpa"?

Her:  You see how you walk?

Me:  You mean "lumber"?

Her:  "Lumber" is what pimps do.  You menace.

Me:  I menace?

Her:  Sure enough, pappy.  You have murder on your mind.  What are you listening to?

Me:  Belle and Sebastian.

Her:  You threaten fuckers with Belle and Sebastian?  You're twice the bad-ass I thought, pops.

Me:  My ass ain't bad, thank you very much.  Now, if you'll excuse me, it seems I have a class to menace ...

Aug 17, 2006 11:10:43 PM | Academia, Books, Evolution, Literary Theory, Literature

4 Comments

Belle Lettre

The soundtrack to this converation has to be Coolio's "Gangsta Paradise."

Word up, yo.

Posted by: Belle Lettre | Thursday, 17 August 2006 at 11:47 PM

Scott Eric Kaufman

Don't I wish. I menaced the parking lot to "Stars of Track and Field" ... which is, really, the least menacing song ever. Especially when you consider its place in Pumpkin.

Posted by: Scott Eric Kaufman | Friday, 18 August 2006 at 04:57 AM

Mike S

Kauf-daddy, you buggin, foo.

This post is straight crazy, yo.

And no, lumber is not what pimps do. Lumber is what they carry quite a bit of at Home Depot.

Posted by: Mike S | Friday, 18 August 2006 at 12:47 PM

Chance

Belle and Sebastin are bad ASS, man. Some muther jabs you with a fork, you best believe you gonna drop that tray and go berzerk. You calm? Settle down. Yeah, you sane, boyee. You on top of the goddam world.

Posted by: Chance | Saturday, 19 August 2006 at 08:45 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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