Walking to the grocery store, SCOTT overhears MAN screaming into a cell phone.
MAN: I AM IN A PARKING LOT!
PHONE: ...
MAN: WHO ARE YOU TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT!?!
PHONE: ...
MAN: YOU ARE NOT TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT BITCH WHORE!
PHONE: ...
MAN: DO YOU KNOW MY PROPOSAL IS DUE NEXT WEEK WHORE SLUT!?!
PHONE: ...
MAN: YOU DO NOT KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES AND REPRECUSSIONS OF YOUR BITCH ACTIONS BITCH!
PHONE: ...
MAN: I AM IN A PARKING LOT AND YOU ARE NOT TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT FUCK BITCH!
PHONE: (click)
MAN: YOU ARE NOT TO BE HANGING UP ON ME FUCK SLUT! I AM NOW CALLING YOU BACK! (dialing) YOU ARE NOT TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT! (looks around and scowls) I AM NOW CALLING YOU BACK GUTTER SLUT!
He made her touch his hands for stupid reasons.
Seriously, though, it's not like she's in the parking lot. How could she know?
Posted by: A White Bear | Thursday, 12 July 2007 at 11:46 PM
YOU DO NOT KNOW THE CONSEQUENCES AND REPRECUSSIONS OF YOUR BITCH ACTIONS BITCH!
Sly silver-tongued dawg. He should exchange notes with Capt. You Are Now Digusting in My Heart.
Posted by: Doctor Slack | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 12:09 AM
Did he speak with an accent? His lack of contractions is unnerving.
Posted by: tomemos | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 03:46 AM
You've been reading the Wharton and now life is imitating art.
Posted by: Scott McLemee | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 05:04 AM
I like to think that the first unheard bits of the conversation go as follows:
PHONE: Sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. Are you on the train? Where are you?
MAN: I AM IN A PARKING LOT!
PHONE: I'm sorry you're breaking up.
MAN: WHO ARE YOU TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT!?!
PHONE: Uh, what?
Posted by: Karl Steel | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 08:20 AM
Hmm. Difficult to see why anyone would break up with a gem like this, isn't it?
Posted by: Ancrene Wiseass | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 12:36 PM
Tom, Meg and I discussed how I should present this so as not to appear racist, but yes, the guy's a dead ringer for Naveen Andrews (Sayid on Lost), and had a thick Indian accent.
Dr. Slack, I thought of AWB's post too, and am amused she didn't, but thought of something else entirely. (Though I thank her for that. People are ... revealing in the immediate aftermath of a break-up.)
Scott, you don't know the half of it: I didn't even mention the ascot.
AW, he did look like Sayid, so he's some sort of catch. (Then again, he probably resembles Andrews in this.)
Posted by: SEK | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 01:23 PM
Now, I know why you got hit by a car in that parking lot - you were to busy listening to other "private conversations"!!!
People just don't seem to realize when you are out in public, you should not use your cell as a form of private conversations because you never know who is listening and where that conversation will show up and the manner inwhich it will be misunderstood!
Posted by: alkau | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 03:07 PM
This charming gentlemen makes profanity somewhat fresh with awkward combinations.
Posted by: Jake | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 05:17 PM
Hmm. Well, okay, I'll admit that I could probably be induced to go out with a man who looked like Sayid.
In fact, I don't think it would take much inducement at all.
But, still, I'd say the person on the other end of the line made the right decision.
Posted by: Ancrene Wiseass | Friday, 13 July 2007 at 09:41 PM
Whoa! He had some serious pent-up anger to deal with.
Posted by: Kristen | Saturday, 14 July 2007 at 03:02 PM
YOU ARE NOT TO BE BREAKING UP WITH ME IN A PARKING LOT BITCH WHORE!
Oh, are you in a parking lot, honey? I'm not breaking up with you, then, sweetie. Why don't you come over and let me have sex with you?
Posted by: bitchphd | Saturday, 14 July 2007 at 03:17 PM