Monday, 19 November 2007

According to the US Census Bureau ...

... I possess the most hurtful and terroristic name in American society:

Is it any wonder I haven't posted much of late? 

Nov 19, 2007 8:50:25 PM | Weblogs

5 Comments

Flowbear

If you Kaufmans had any common courtesy, you'd give the Dicksons the 911 spot. It's just a little too you-got-chocolate-in-my-peanut-butter to pass up.

Posted by: Flowbear | Monday, 19 November 2007 at 10:55 PM

ArtK

That's because you don't spell it right. It's Kaufmann, with two 'n's. Or maybe Kauffman. When I was a freshman, there were three off us in one class, one with each spelling. We needed a Kauffmann to round things out.

Posted by: ArtK | Tuesday, 20 November 2007 at 09:50 PM

Miriam

We Bursteins are not a growth industry, it seems.

Posted by: Miriam | Wednesday, 21 November 2007 at 06:41 PM

Mikhail Emelianov

i believe i qualify as the least common surname in the U.S. of A. - where is my prize? i did win, recently and unintentionally, the "creepiest comment" award though - i did not really compete, but win i did...

Posted by: Mikhail Emelianov | Friday, 23 November 2007 at 02:44 AM

alkau

Our numbers are falling, so, it is up to you to increase the numbers. Perhaps you can rename your cats and list them as children and no one will know the difference.

Posted by: alkau | Friday, 23 November 2007 at 11:37 AM

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Acephalous's Index III Number of times Japanese schoolgirls have been featured on Acephalous: 0 Number of times Firefox's spell-checker underlines the word "acephalous" when members of the Kaufman household type it: ∞ Dinginess of the kitchen in said household in units of disgusting: 7,671 Time (in hours) the male of the household requires to clean it: 0.19 Time (in days) before he will do so: 219 Percent of sarcasm in previous item: 78.6 Ratio of promises to clean the kitchen to actual cleanings: 9:1 Guilt (in buckets) the above ratio produces: 17 Number of Asian men currently sitting in the middle of the parking lot drinking beer on plastic lawn chairs: 2 Ratio of affected to actual double-takes Kaufman gave them: 5 to 1 Percent of people in the Kaufman household who spent the past week doing nothing but reading quality Scottish detective novels and watching three seasons of The Wire: 50 Weariness (in soul) attendant the same week: 1,910,382 Number of times Kaufman has mistakenly typed "The Wife" instead of "The Wire": 4 Percent of psychoanalytic critics who would think that very, very significant: 100 Percent who would be correct: 31 Number of Acephalous readers who have purchased Kaufman the fourth season of The Wire: 0 Percent who should if they know what's good for his soul: 100 Percent who should if they know what's good for his career: 0 Number of times Kaufman's danced this dance before: Once or Twice How much funnier (in joules) those previous attempts were: 1 Yottajoule

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