Monday, 19 November 2007

Acephalous's Index III Number of times Japanese schoolgirls have been featured on Acephalous: 0 Number of times Firefox's spell-checker underlines the word "acephalous" when members of the Kaufman household type it: ∞ Dinginess of the kitchen in said household in units of disgusting: 7,671 Time (in hours) the male of the household requires to clean it: 0.19 Time (in days) before he will do so: 219 Percent of sarcasm in previous item: 78.6 Ratio of promises to clean the kitchen to actual cleanings: 9:1 Guilt (in buckets) the above ratio produces: 17 Number of Asian men currently sitting in the middle of the parking lot drinking beer on plastic lawn chairs: 2 Ratio of affected to actual double-takes Kaufman gave them: 5 to 1 Percent of people in the Kaufman household who spent the past week doing nothing but reading quality Scottish detective novels and watching three seasons of The Wire: 50 Weariness (in soul) attendant the same week: 1,910,382 Number of times Kaufman has mistakenly typed "The Wife" instead of "The Wire": 4 Percent of psychoanalytic critics who would think that very, very significant: 100 Percent who would be correct: 31 Number of Acephalous readers who have purchased Kaufman the fourth season of The Wire: 0 Percent who should if they know what's good for his soul: 100 Percent who should if they know what's good for his career: 0 Number of times Kaufman's danced this dance before: Once or Twice How much funnier (in joules) those previous attempts were: 1 Yottajoule

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