As It Begins, So Shall It End ...

... at the Library, which just sent me 129 overdue notifications:

Item(s) listed are now overdue.  Please return or renew immediately.  Renewals may be made via My ANTPAC, in person or by phone.  Please return or renew immediately to avoid fines, bills and suspension of your library privileges.

THANK YOU

NO, the Library, THANK YOU. 

Because without you, I'd be just another graduate student paying his filing fee and planning to finish this Winter.  Your thoughtful ministrations allow me the opportunity to spend countless hours with my loved ones filling out forms and requesting documents in triplicate.

I love you so much, the Library, I'm moved to song (.mp3).  I couldn't ask for a better friend.  You're the best, the Library.  Don't you let anybody ever tell you different. 

Comments

[Ahistoricality]

Libraries really should tread lightly around graduate students. If it weren't for them, the floors would collapse under the weight of the whole collection. If every grad student returned every book, no undergrad, no professor, no librarian would be able to do anything else but process, shelve, box, store, reshelve, reprocess and pray for mercy....

Graduate students unite! You have nothing to lose but your fines!

[Charlotte]

Soooo ... and now? Are you going to reapply? Where is the end of the story?

[David Moles]

Is this the same library you inadvertently made a $2000 donation to? Seems like the least they could do is extend your borrowing privileges.

[Ollie]

I've been following your misadventures, hoping for a happy ending (could it all be an elaborate trick by your advisor?).

This all sounds incredibly stressful; take good care of yourself.

[Timothy Burke]

I like that Scott can keep an ironic tone about this, but. I wish he was a millionaire. Reason: I think Irvine has moved into the, "Don't tell me what the law says, SOME motherfucker deserves to have his ass sued" territory. I mean, the original goof was one of those things that needed a sitcom soundtrack, but this is simply crazy now.

[SEK]

David, yes, it is. You'd think that Partrons of the Library have borrowing privileges. (Actually, given the monumental nature of this bureaucratic clusterfuck, I probably could convince someone over there to grant my privileges back. Hm ...)

Charlotte, as of now, there's no end to the story. It'll have to be epic. I would try to invent one myself, but circumstance seems to be doing a fine job authoring this all on its own.

Ollie, my advisor is critical, not cruel.

Timothy, I don't think suing the institution that will grant my doctorate is a winning job strategy.

[Ahistoricality]

I don't think suing the institution that will grant my doctorate is a winning job strategy.

"Sued library for fiscal malfeasance and mental anguish" -- there's something you don't see on a c.v. every day!

I'm not sure, honestly, that it would hurt you, though. Academics often have very mixed feelings about their library administrations: we love books, yes, and librarians sometimes, but rules? Fines? For undergrads, sure, but for scholars? Infamy!

[Timothy Burke]

Yeah, yeah. I just think someone needs to be hurt over this, and it's not you.