Thursday, 13 December 2007

HOW SEK HID CANCER FROM HIS WIFE (This being the requested sequel to this post from last week.) One summer, SEK became very depressed. "I am sad," he thought. Then he became very happy. "Now I am happy!" Then very depressed again. "Sad again." He was, as they say, "moody." Eventually his throat starting swelling something awful, so he went to a doctor. The doctor felt SEK's neck, then sent him to another doctor who ran some tests. "You have thyroid cancer," the oncologist said. "Can you fix it?" SEK asked. "I can and then you will be happy." "Happy?" "You won't be perpetually PMSing anymore." "I don't understand." "You see [insert overly-technical explanation of how the thyroid regulates hormones and how SEK's manic-depressiveness was the result of his body being flooded, then drained, of hormones], so when the chemo's finished, you won't be depressed anymore." "But when I'm doing the chemo, I'll still be depressed?" "And really sick," said the oncologist. SEK returned home and saw his wife diligently working. She was so pretty and diligent. He did not want to disturb her. So, still depressed, he decided not to tell her anything. To bear it alone. Then SEK got really sick. Not chemo-sick—he handled that like a trooper—but different sick, like he had a hangover all the time. He returned to the oncologist. "I am really sick," he said, "like I have a hangover all the time." The doctor poked SEK's liver and declared: "You have an invasive liver fungus. You must take these medicines which attack your liver. They will make you feel like you have a hangover all the time. Then you will be better." SEK went home and, in a fit of inspired stupidity, told his wife about the liver fungus, but not the cancer, thinking he could use the liver fungus to hide the cancer. (From his wife, not in his body.) This is how SEK hid cancer from his wife. (Until he got drunk one night and told her.) THE END
Some People Earn Their Infamy: Chuck Adkins, Terrible "Person" A reader wanting to cheer me up sent me a link to this site, the horrors of which I don't want to plumb. But I will. I won't mention that the proprietor of The Populist Blog, "Chuck Adkins," purportedly lives in his parent's basement. (No reason to put substance to the stereotype.) Nor will I say anything about "his" decision to insult the recently deceased wife of someone he was arguing with. (Why remind people of the niceties of online interaction?) I'm not even going to discuss the remarkable sense of self-importance necessary to address "everyone" when not a single post on any of his many blogs bears comments. I won't speak to any of that ... because I don't believe "Chuck Adkins" exists. He's a fictional character, confabulated by irate conservatives in desperate need of a straw man. How else could he embody the worst stereotypes of liberals and bloggers both? There's a reason everyone who links to his blog does so with rage in their heart and violence on their mind. (As a future English professional, I see red every time he Capitalizes Words like a German. I know he thinks it's "Sort of Bad news" that he "had to nuke the Blog," but if the news is "Bad" and the "Blog" is nuked, doesn't his illogic dictate the News of the Nuking also be capitalized?) Were Adkins an actual person, he would occasionally write something that didn't play into the conservative stereotype of vile liberals ... like voicing complaint against kicking welfare kittens for being cute, or demonstrating that Bush misled the country about the threat Saddam's chemical weapons program posed. Instead, Adkins always produces material like: Two words asshole, fuck off. Further More, what the fuck is it to you? I mean, if you don’t fucking like what you see here, don’t bother fucking coming here. Update 2: Yeah, I took it off, I wouldn’t want little cry baby azzhat Mikey to cry himself silly, the bitch. Mother fucker lets his Co-Bloggers talk shit about other Blogs, But then WHINES when someone writes a little snark back. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Cry baby assed bitch. I will forewarn you fucking asshole chickenhawks. THE VERY NEXT TIME, THAT MICHELLE MALKIN POSTS SOMETHING THAT *i* DON’T LIKE, I WILL POST HER REAL NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBERS, CREDIT CARD INFO AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS, WITH SHOTS OF THE HOUSE FROM THE AIR. It’s okay for her to do shit, and say shit, but when I do it, I catch hell. BULLSHIT! Even if I have to PAY to get the info, I will get it. Bank on it, bitches. Update: Hello to all the readers from ColdFury! I’ve since posted a follow up, you might wanna read it. Like I said on that posting, if Mike wants to be a gentleman and pull the post insulting me, Fine, I’ll pull this one and the one linked. Otherwise, it stays. I’ve never said a THING about anyone over at Coldfury, ever. But yet, they’ll...

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