Sunday, 06 January 2008

Iowa Caucus Sparks Tribal Violence Throughout Midwest As Brad would say, "Why oh why can't we have a better press corp?" After record voter turnout in Iowa yesterday, angry supporters of Barrack Obama have taken to the streets in protest of the announcement that George Bush had won the state’s Democratic nomination by a wide margin. The announcement came hours before the polls had closed, sparking suspicion that the election’s integrity was compromised, though an independent election commission headed by Jeb Bush certified that the election was fair and balanced. There had been widespread anticipation that Barrack Obama or another Democrat would easily win in the polling. [...] Many Iowans are distressed that media coverage is making them look just like any other midwestern military state. “This is not Michigan,” said one voter, who wished not to be identified, “I can’t believe what I’m seeing.” Voters in Iowa select candidates according to a secretive ritual known as the “caucus,” a poorly understood convocation of village and tribal communities in which charisma and tribal reputation are believed to sway opinion in unpredictable ways. Efforts to modernize this process has run up against stubborn, ingrained attachment to the pre-modern ritual, though many have suggested that reforming the electoral process would do a great deal to bring a state largely populated by subsistence farmers into the international community. In the United States of Africa, few have taken notice, though some pundits have issued calls for former colonial rulers to militarily intervene in the commonwealth of American states, most of whom are former colonies of Mexico and Brazil. “We’ve tried letting these people rule themselves,” declared Oginga Odinga, Prime Minister of the USA, “but all I ever see on TV is white people killing white people.”
Help Hugo Save Dumb Fatties [Since it appears that this was the result of a hack instead of an Alas, a Blog-type situation, I'm removing Hugo's last name from this post so that this post won't show up in Google searches for him. I'm also placing it below-the-fold. That's probably obvious though, isn't it?] Chris Clarke, Ilyka Damen, BFP, et al. have repeatedly demonstrated the failings of Hugo's tepid defense of a tired feminism. No one needs me to recount the festivities. But I want to pick up on something Chris wrote—in response to something Rich wrote—about the intent behind calling someone envious: I’m in the general group of writers charged with being envious of other bloggers' "success," and yet some of the people making those accusations know full well I repudiated exactly that kind of "success" in the last year. The same cannot be said of Hugo. It is apparent to anyone with Firefox what constitutes success for him: Having trouble reading that? Let me highlight it for you: Hugo has a sound reason to start fights, to pick scabs, to hold and periodically renew grudges: Fat people can't spell. He cares enough not to insult them directly—they're already fat, after all. What would happen to their self-esteem were Hugo to remind them they're also illiterate? So he kindly hides his concern in the for obese idiots in the header of his blog. When their sagging asses and bulging guts click on his site, they might not see evidence of his concern, but he hopes his message of Phentermine Love penetrates the folds and flaps of flab and communes with the thin person buried deep within. Ignoring him would undermine his ability to peddle his kindness. It would be a tacit admission that you hate fat people (literate or otherwise). So please, by all means, continue to take him seriously, continue to engage him as if his motives were as stated, lest you reveal yourself to hate the fatties Hugo so desperately wants to help.

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