Thursday, 21 August 2008

This blog is no good anymore because: Scott still hasn't finished his dissertation. Without students there can be no inappropriate office sex. Scott keeps linking to that post even though everyone (except the new readers who email a cultivated OMG! every time he links to it) has already read it. Blogs cannot be good by definition. Scott never replies to comments anymore, even though he would like to, but must focus on finishing the dissertation he'll never finish. Fans can tell when narrative arcs stall (because Scott still hasn't finished his dissertation). Too much time blogging elsewhere leaves the people who love Scott and Scott alone despondent. Did Scott mean Hanukkah and must he not be a terrible Jew what with the spurious transliteration of offense? Scott is now an old person and blogs are 2 b 4 the young and young at heart. Writing a dissertation for seven years might as well be abusing crystal meth for how rapidly it ages your proverbial heart (like the before-and-after addict they use to scare children straight). Scott has written on the same topics so often he has crippled Google's ability to index his site (and thus his ability to find that thing he knows he wrote about back in the summer of a year maybe beginning with a two). But for a short-lived dalliance with a single column that ended in open revolt, the layout and color scheme haven't changed since the day the blog went live in 1922. Now that I, being you, think about it, it never really was that good (not even in 1922 when America had flappers). Scott still hasn't finished his dissertation.

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