(blows into tuner)

They say we never vetted her,
The Old Gray Lady lies!
Now hear why we can bet on her,
Plain truth they can’t deny:

We vetted her by land,
We vetted her by sea;
We vetted nook and cran,
(Where all best vetting be).

We vetted her through sleet,
We vetted her through snow;
We vetted all her sheets,
But netted no eye-holes.

We vetted all her homes,
We vetted all her locks.
(Sam vetted her with ham,
In boxcars with a fox.)

We vetted all her friends,
We vetted all her beaus.
(We would’ve vetted Luke,
But he yee-hawed! the road.)

We vetted both her hands,
We vetted all her guns;
We vetted target ranges,
Then vetted us some fun.

We vetted her up high,
Through clouds into blue sky;
We vetted her down low,
Where earmarks roil the sty.

We vetted her in caves,
Deep in Afghanistan,
Then vetted her for days,
Through half of Pakistan.

We vetted ’til her bloated,
Blood-swollen as a tick,
To say she wasn’t vetted
Would be a—hic; a —hic; a—hic;

‘Twould be impolitic.