Monday, 02 March 2009

What would you title a post about a student's parent trying to beat you up? It is guided-tour-of-campus season at UCI. Bubbly undergraduates escort groups of thirty or so prospective students and their parents around Ring Road. After conferencing with students for a few hours, SEK runs to the Zot-n-Go for coffee. He wears his typical day-of-office-hours attire: an expensive sweater, rumpled jeans, trusty shoes and a backwards New York Mets cap. As he leaves he bumps into a FORMER STUDENT escorting prospectives and their parents around Ring Road. FORMER STUDENT: To your left you'll see the Student Center and the Zot-n-Go. Coming out of the Zot-n-Go is my favorite composition teacher ever (SEK waves and smiles politely as she puts her hand to her face and in an exaggerated whisper says) who actually wears that cap to class sometimes. PARENT: (loudly) Fucking loser. SEK: (stops) Excuse me? SEK turns to confront PARENT and sees the sort of uptight wealthy white folk who grow on trees out here. He comes from money and married young and is likely upset at how much a college education costs. He has a foot and about 100 lean lbs. on SEK. PARENT: You heard me. (steps to SEK) SEK: (walking backwards) I have office hours to attend to. PARENT: That's what I thought. SEK: (confused) You thought I had office hours? Because he ain't too bright, it is only now that SEK realizes that this forty-year-old in a starched business suit complete with snappy suspenders is trying to pick a fight with him. In broad daylight. On Ring Road. In front of his kid and a group of strangers. The PARENT makes for SEK, who shoots him a look and says . . . FROM THE DESK OF THE ACEPHALOUS INDUSTRIES LEGAL DEPARTMENT: SEK hereby declines to inform you what he allegedly said because his response might be construed as lame and unnecessarily inflammatory. In lieu of gratifying your desire to know what SEK allegedly said, SEK respectfully requests you guess what words were expelled by his constitutionally "smart mouth." Furthermore: SEK acknowledges that although the unflattering description uttered by PARENT may not be inaccurate, at the time of the utterance said PARENT had no knowledge of this fact.

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