Shpadoinkle! Sarah Palin endorses cannibalism.

From the NRO's new shrine to Sarah Palin:

If any vegans came over for dinner, I could whip them up a salad, then explain my philosophy on being a carnivore: If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?

Because He wanted everyone to have a shpadoinkle day? More seriously, Palin is calling Him a rank hypocrite, because He also said "You must not eat bats" and yet he made them out of meat.

Ignorance of the Original Testament hypocrisy is, I admit, the easiest hypocrisy to spot, but it's the least effective to mock on account of its profundity. If someone were to inform Palin that her beloved moose aren't kosher because they weren't properly shekhted and porged, she'd complain about "gotcha journalism" and question your love of America on account of her profound ignorance of the book she claims to live her life by.

Fortunately for semi-professional mockers such as myself, Palin set the standard demonstrably lower by claiming that God intended humans to eat anything made out of meat.

Comments

[tomemos]

Then there's this gem: "I always remind people from outside our state that there's plenty of room for all Alaska's animals - right next to the mashed potatoes." HEYO!!

As a vegetarian, I'm disgusted. Mind you, I'm not disgusted by her callousness or whatever; I'm disgusted that her material is apparently written by the t-shirt designer for Funniest_T-Shirts.com.

[Ahistoricality]

The theology is twisted. God didn't intend for humans to eat animals. Genesis, Chapter ONE:

29: And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
30: And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

Only later, after the abomination and destruction of all life but Noah&Co., does God permit the eating of meat. Chapter Nine:

1: And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
2: And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every fowl of the air, upon all that moveth upon the earth, and upon all the fishes of the sea; into your hand are they delivered.
3: Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things.

God then goes on to start writing the rules of Kashrut. God may have made animals (and people) edible, but allowing them to be eaten was Plan B.

[Jana]

Scott:
I needed a good laugh today. Thanks for that. :)

[brandon]

"If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?"

I don't know what's worse: the fact that she plagiarized this line from Homer Simpson or the fact that she's no more aware than he is of how dumb it sounds. We truly are through the looking glass when Simpsons jokes become transubstantiated into folksy, homespun wisdom.

[nosinnek]

Before Homer Simpson:

But people have always eaten people!
What else is there to eat?
If the juju had meant us not to eat people,
He wouldn't have made us of meat!

Michael Flanders, The Reluctant Cannibal

[JPool]

Ahist,
That's fabulous. Thanks.

[SEK]

Ahistoricality, between that comment and your other post on that other issue you emailed me about, you're doing mensch-work to substantiate my hasty claims with actual expertise. Thanks!

[Ahistoricality]

Thanks, guys. I'm not sure I'd call it expertise: when you go through the text once a year, the rabbi eventually has to point out almost everything....