This is excellent news!! For Palin!!

For whatever reason, Google Reader’s “Explore” option recently started lumping all political sites together irrespective of orientation, which means that even time I try to find new, interesting voices, I’m bombarded with new, interesting-for-the-wrong-reason-but-potential-blog-fodder voices. For example:

We believe the TV show [Sarah Palin]’s producing with Mark Burnett on the wonders of Alaska will be Reaganesque in its reach of regular people.

For something written by “such good writers,” that sentence is uglier than it is stupid. The majority of Americans won’t appreciate a show about “the wonders of Alaska” for the simple reason that Americans only watch things about Alaska when its bears eat tourists. Don’t believe me? Consider Christopher Nolan’s career:

Batman Begins: $205,343,774
Insomnia: $67,263,182
The Dark Knight: $533,316,061

When his films take place in Alaska, their domestic gross drops, on average, very large numbers because Americans don’t believe that states whose moose-caribou population density (1.11/sq. mi.) outstrips its population density (1.03/sq. mi.) count as America. The idea that a successful Palin campaign could be initiated by a show about 700,000 moose and caribou picked to live in a state and have their lives taped to find out what happens when they stop being polite and start getting real—there’s wishful thinking, then there’s whatever that is. This too:

If [the show is] informative, well-produced, and showcases Palin’s Alaska, we believe it will become a cultural phenomenon. We foresee Alaskan imagery everywhere in 2011. Which is a wonderful setup for the Palin brand in 2012. Late 2010-early 2011 is also when Palin’s next book is due: a policy book on American Virtues. That will be coupled with a book tour that should end round about February 6th, 2011, the day we believe Palin will announce her presidential run. Essentially, the tour bus she uses for the book [American Virtues] will just be slightly rebranding as PALIN 2012, instead of American Virtues. Chances are, “American Virtues” will actually be her campaign motto. We can see the branding and marketing already at work.

These people should not be mocked for claiming 1) that Palin will write a book by her lonesome, 2) that it will be policy-oriented, or 3) that people can write policy books about virtues: they should be pitied for the wistful tones in which they imagine the subtle repurposing of a tour bus in terms of branding, because people who daydream in ad lingo about campaign slogans are the saddest people in the world. Then there’s the fact that, on principle, dreamers this dumb deserve pity:

Palin’s playing 11th dimensional chess that RedState’s not seeing, because it’s so focused on Romney, or dazzled by his Mattel-produced hair. She’s operating a fully-formed multimedia strategy designed to counter Dr. Utopia’s razzle dazzle and media darling status.

Follow that RedState link and you’ll find a discussion of a post at the Daily Caller that warms my heart:

[I]t is very important to point out that something like this may already be Palin’s plan (for the record, I have shared almost all of these thoughts with her via her personal e-mail but have received no response). So far, I have not seen one shred of legitimate evidence indicating that she has decided to run and some serious indications that she won’t.

Wait—Palin decide to ignore this asshole? Excellent. Anyone with any sense would distance herself from people like him, wait—did I just suggest that Sarah Palin is a person with sense? Maybe she is playing 11th dimensional chess.

Comments

[Tom Elrod]

So, are you suggesting that Palin's TV show will be either a) an utter failure or b) a huge success because Palin is eaten by a bear?

Because I definitely agree that Insomnia would have been a better film had it ended with Robin Williams consumed by a grizzly.

[SEK]

So, are you suggesting that Palin's TV show will be either a) an utter failure or b) a huge success because Palin is eaten by a bear?

I don't think we need to choose, because it will be an utter failure unless Palin is eaten by a bear.

Because I definitely agree that Insomnia would have been a better film had it ended with Robin Williams consumed by a grizzly...

...or had his head driven into and through Pacino's by Batman.

[Ahistoricality]

showcases Palin’s Alaska

Not to be confused with the American state of the same name.

We foresee Alaskan imagery everywhere in 2011.

I thought the apocalypse wasn't until 2012?

[Rich Puchalsky]

Since I can't convince you to stop providing me with links to stupid, I'll have to assert that lots of people watched Northern Exposure. Admittedly, that did have one episode where wolves devoured a scriptwriters' agent.

[SEK]

I'll have to assert that lots of people watched Northern Exposure.

True ... but only to laugh at the stupidity of Alaskans, so I don't think that helps whoever it is I linked to's case.

[todd.]

When did you get a "reblog" button ("Grab this post for your blog!"), and is that creepy?

I mean, not that you even needed one.

[SEK]

When did you get a "reblog" button ("Grab this post for your blog!"), and is that creepy?

1) Yes, that is creepy, and 2) I don't know when that got there, but a) I didn't put it there, and b) it must've been recently, because I would've i) noticed it and ii) demanded to know why TypePad automatically opted me in to something again. (Last time it was random Amazon links within the body of the posts, so I suppose I should be thankful this is just end-matter.)

[SEK]

Also, outlining is awesome, and given that it's Week Ten, you can tell I've been reminding my students of the importance of reverse-outlining. Gah.

[SeanH]

I read the Ziegler snore-fest in your "a post" link, thought 'Christ this guy needs an editor' - and saw that I was looking at page three of four, and despaired.

[Spring]

"I'll have to assert that lots of people watched Northern Exposure."

"True ... but only to laugh at the stupidity of Alaskans, so I don't think that helps whoever it is I linked to's case."

And it wasn't actually filmed in Alaska, but in Washington State. ;)

Lurker here...I'll go back to lurking now.

[Ahistoricality]

only to laugh at the stupidity of Alaskans

It's been years, and I was never a regular watcher, but my recollection is that N.E. was about quirks and adaptations to a fundamentally hostile environment rather than about stupidity, as such. The characters weren't dumb (mostly), but they were severely limited by the size of the community, the natural environment, complicated by the range of cultural differences common to a frontier.

[Rich Puchalsky]

Yes, they definitely went for likable-and-quirky, not stupid. Even the obligatory right-wing character was kind of likable. Maybe they should get him to host the Palin show. Although, you know, he was supposed to be an ex-astronaut, and their flat Earth contingent might have trouble with that.

[james suhr]

You put 'Insomnia' listed against a Batman film?! Come on, you know that isn't fair. That's like having a body builder take on Erkel. Batman has a monthly following of about 85,000 readers, multiple years worth of video games, movies, theatrical serials, and a tv shows. People already know the potential of fun that can be had with this property (regardless of some bad stuff made here and there), so they easily take a chance. With 'Insomnia' you risk seeing either a really, really crappy movie about a crazy person that you feel wasted your time and money, with a slim, slim chance for something really wonderful. Plus, Nolan's Insomnia was a remake of the Norweigan film of same name. One could say that remakes are never as strong or as good as the original: Japan's 'Shall We Dance' vs. America's 'Shall We Dance'.