Friday, 07 May 2010

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There's a proper time and place for everything, but right now and in here is neither. Scott enters his room in the Physical Sciences Classroom Building. Standing behind his SmartPodium is an unfamiliar person who looks startled by Scott's arrival. SCOTT: Are you supposed to be in here? PERSON WHO ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE: (shrugs) SCOTT: Did you just finish teaching? PERSON WHO DIDN'T JUST FINISH TEACHING: (shrugs) SCOTT: Can I help you with something? PERSON WHO DOESN'T WANT ME TO HELP HIM WITH SOMETHING: (shrugs) SCOTT: Do you understand English? PERSON WHO CLEARLY UNDERSTANDS ENGLISH BUT IS ABOUT TO DART OUT THE DOOR: (darts out the door) Scott approaches the podium to find dozens of windows open, each and every one of which proves that Rule 34 is correct: there is porn of it. All of it. Then Scott remembers that you have to log into SmartPodiums with your UCINet ID, and that your UCINet ID is also the first half of your UCI email address. Scott mouses over the toolbar to obtain the stranger's UCINet ID and proceeds to write him an email: Dear Person Watching Porn on the SmartPodium, Please don't watch porn on the SmartPodium. People have to teach there, you know? Five minutes later, Scott receives a reply: I don't know what you're talking about! Stop starting shit! I've never even been in the Physical Sciences Classroom Building before! Scott was really tempted to inform the stranger that nobody said he had, but as subsequent denials would only diminish the beauty of the stranger's inadvertent confession, he refrained.

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