Sunday, 30 May 2010

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They try to deny it, but they all watch House. [For the record, I have no memory of writing this. I'm guessing I did so after they administered something or other. Let that be a lesson to you up-and-coming academic bloggers. I'm not sure what kind of lesson, though. Don't get kidney stones?] It's 9:14 p.m. and SEK sits in an emergency clinic, worried by the fact that he hasn't kept anything solid down since Friday. He's also impressed by the fact that he can access the internet on his phone--granted, no Gmail or Facebook, though TypePad and Wikipedia work fine--but whatever, he has come to this clinic in search of an answer. After hours of waiting, a YOUNG DOCTOR pushes aside the curtain and begins to "examine" him. YOUNG DOCTOR: You've been vomiting, it's probably appendicitis. SEK: I have no abdominal pain. YOUNG DOCTOR: You've been throwing up. Best get an ultrasound. SEK: I had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis and suffered all its "irritable" side effects, so I know from abdominal pain and have none. YOUNG DOCTOR: May just be your pain tolerance means you can't feel it. SEK: I cry when I see other people stub a toe. YOUNG DOCTOR: (befuddled) SEK: (exasperated) My abdomen is fine. (pokes at it like an obnoxious uncle) I'm thinking it's something else. YOUNG DOCTOR: (intent on covering his ass) Still, best to cover all bases. SEK: IT'S NOT LUPUS! From behind the curtain to his right, someone softly chuckles. Someone else behind the curtain to his left follows suit. The YOUNG DOCTOR looks at SEK, scowls, then exits the "room" and tells the nurse to send NEW DOCTOR in to help him. NEW DOCTOR: What seems to be the problem? SEK: Past three days. Two o'clock or so. Vomit uncontrollably. Head splits open. NEW DOCTOR: You're clearly dehydrated. I'm putting you on an IV and we'll reevaluate in an hour. SEK: Not appendicitis? NEW DOCTOR: Your abdomen hurt? SEK: No I said No it doesn't No. NEW DOCTOR: Then not appendicitis. Let's take some blood and see what's what. SEK would tell you how this story ends, but it's currently 12:02 a.m. and although he feels much better/hydrated, he's still in the emergency clinic waiting for test results. He's amazed that he had the patience to write this on his phone, but given that he's not allowed to turn the ringer on and talk to anyone on it, what the hell else was he going to do? He got tired of staring at the wall hours ago and has to amuse himself somehow.

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