Thursday, 15 July 2010

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Happy Eleventh Anniversary, My Beautiful Wife On this day eleven years ago, a dear friend hauled me out of bed and was driving me to my wedding when he asked: "What do you want to listen to?" I didn't know quite what he meant, so I asked: "What do you mean?" He said: "You'll remember this song forever. Rest of your life and then some. So pick it right, but whatever it is, and don't pick anything not in this sleeve." He handed me a sleeve slipped full of CDs. I flipped through with trepidation, knowing that I'd remember this song forever, for the rest of my life and then some, so I had to pick it right ... "Whatever it is," he said, as apparently I'd been speaking aloud. So I found it, a song that accorded with what I'd been reading—which was all Kafka because of the course I'd be taking with Wolfgang Iser the upcoming Fall in my first quarter in grad school—a song about metamorphosis, about changing from a single into a married person, a song that was this song: Which is still, I think, still both my and my wife's favorite song by them, but was utterly inappropriate in retrospect. And at the moment. Not to mention generally. But for me, it was all about the metamorphosis—the changing into something, and someone, else on that day. Fuck the smashing into windshields, and fuck being hysterical and useless ... I've done and been that, both literally and metaphorically, and it hasn't changed the fact that as the rain came down and drenched the pastor, my future wife and me, as we were the only ones not under the wedding tent, I had but one thought in my head. I knew nothing other than, I say, I knew nothing other than: I want to kiss this woman. I had vows to say, but: I want to kiss this woman. Even as the vows were spoken to me, I couldn't remember them. I want to kiss this woman. I was fixated on one thing and one thing alone: I want to kiss this woman. A conviction unakin to any I'd ever experienced before: I want to kiss this woman. It seemed like hours: I want to kiss this woman. Passed before I: I want to kiss this woman. Could: I want to kiss this woman. And it's burned me hollow every day of the months it's been since I have. Happy anniversary, my beautiful wife. Spend it wisely, well, and don't let it let you down ...

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