Friday, 26 November 2010

Recipes from the Headless Chef: Cheeseless Cheesecake In the interest of being topical, I think it's high time I share another recipe.* You will need: 1 medium-sized metal bowl 1 3-quart sauce-pan 1 blender 1 block of silken tofu 1 bag or bar of quality chocolate 1 bottle of your favorite dessert liquor 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract 1 tablespoon of honey 1 crust Begin by taking out your aggression toward all those rank-annoying vegans and vegetarians you've ever met** and place that fucking tofu in the fucking blender and blend that fucker into a paste. Feel better? Me too. Next, pour a cup of water in the sauce-pan and bring it to a boil. Place the metal bowl on top of it and add 1) about half the chocolate, 3) the vanilla extract, and 3) enough of your favorite dessert liquor to cover it. Stir it and let your makeshift double-boiler melt the chocolate into the liquor. Take the melted chocolate mixture and add it to the fucking tofu. Add about half the honey and blend until it's thoroughly mixed. Use the rest of the honey to regulate the consistency. (Think pourable pudding.) Pour the mixture into the pie crust. If you'd like to make your own crust, you can. (I can't. I've ruined many a fine filling by pouring it into a tragedy of a from-scratch crust.) Place in the refrigerator for a few hours. Remove from the refrigerator and amaze everyone with the quality cheesecake you just made. They'll be genuinely impressed so long as you don't tell them what's in it. *I meant to make this a series, but then again, I've meant to write a lot of things I've never gotten around to writing, so there you go. **Myself included.

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